Monday, 30 July 2012

Its a huge ballgame!

Its so true that if we all threw our problems in a pile and saw other's, we would immediately take ours back.

How many times in our life do we feel that no one can be as burdened, as miserable as we are. Its a universal truth maybe bigger than even the existence of GOD who we ultimately either turn to in such situations or blame!

Anyways! Since I am also normal (human being and may not be in the head or behavior), I am finally humbled and settled because I seem to have cracked the 'toughest spot' one can be in. Trust me I am convinced that whatever I have faced so far was 'hardly anything' and whatever will be ahead will be a by product so atleast I know the answer to: "Why me?" :)

Lets start from the start. An account of milestones where I felt completely "alone" in my doomed-ness (Okay there is no word like that but how beautifully it captures my feelings....ill keep it). Ill sum it up by pointing out why I have resigned to sobriety after the biggest challenge and thus become normal in handling "other problems"

  • In the year 1996 (silly of me to NEVER hide my age no?) when I gave my first board exam, I had no idea I was not alone! I thought only I had to deal with that pressure cooker year and Ill be the last one to do so. Have already mentioned in one of the earlier posts how I reacted at result time. 
  • In 2000 when I had to suddenly move back to Delhi from Chennai in between my graduation, I was confronted by the monster called - "Inter University Migration" system of Delhi University, which was given to me conditionally- Condition being- Crack 2 years of Economics Hons course in 4 months- if you Pass you are IN, if you flunk (odds being 1 to 100) , you are OUT. When I traveled in the U special those days and giggling girls pointed in my direction saying-"This is the loser who is attempting that impossible feat"- I was sure I was singled out by a foreign hand to go through this ordeal. Its another story that I passed and rest is history :)
  • Then in 2001 when I was figuring out if I wanted to become a rocket scientist or a MBA, I chose the latter. The Quantitative Analysis section of this Exam, hit me like a tornado. I was absolutely sure by now that no one in his/her life has ever gone through what I am- every night, every day. I hated that section and was almost sure that the IIM profs who will be checking my CAT paper will use it for years to laugh away their gloomy days just looking at the way I performed in QA.
  • Somehow this tide was overcome and few years later I got married. Not many hardships here but like every girl, I did face the usual turmoils of adjusting to a new house, new locality, new family and so on. Luckily, since I had married my best friend, I often banged my head on his, complaining- "Its all happening because I loved you" and he smiled back ....saying nothing (as usual) :).
  • Now cut to June 9th, 2007! The night I will remember forever and ever and ever. Despite knowing the population of our country, the way I blamed the system, the Gods, the people, the constitution and everything else I could for my ordeal- is not even funny. Thinking what was it? (or have you guessed it?)- Well....I was undergoing a "Normal (whats normal about it?) Delivery" in the night of 9th and 10th June and the fact that my doctor refused to operate on me( because I was doing "fine") and administer an epidural (because it had side effects and anyways I was doing "fine"), made me absolutely sure that my Karmas have led me to this day- this pain, this non stop suffering! Not to mention that even after going through this night, I bore it in less than 2 years- AGAIN!!
  • My struggle with my 80 kg frame after Nevaan requires an entry into some other hall of fame as it was a phase of numerous break downs and complete chaos. But again that was something individualistic- some thing I had a choice of either tackling or giving in to- on my own. 
  • But nothing beats this. I believe everything I have listed so far is NOTHING in front of this ultimate realization that I have to deal with now- with my every breath. The milestone that has humbled me now and makes me wonder if there is anything more difficult than this? Trust me I have faced severe situations at work place, tough decisions in life otherwise but when it comes to this, its even harder, even riskier and even more fragile. I am talking about- Parenting. A situation where you cannot read for a solution to a problem you face, where you cannot compare with others and take notes or where you cannot pray and get out of it. Its not a joke, in fact this can only be understood if you undertake it. There are good days and there are bad days in other aspects of life but when it comes to raising a Child, in shaping a Human Being, in making a person out of a small baby- I wake up every morning with a new set of challenges to deal with and sleep with a new learning of the day. It is fulfilling, it is worth the grind but when your tears fall with theirs and your laughter comes with theirs you know there is nothing more draining in experience than this :)

I am not saying all your problems are nothing in front of me. I am saying I have the same problems but I am also a Parent. And when you are one, you are nothing can never be :)

No comments:

Post a Comment