Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Saas-Bahu and so what?

In the year 1844 when some Mr Thomas Haynes wrote "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", he would not have imagined that 168 years later a random blogger like me will use it in a context that no one imagined it could apply to!

In my opinion and through my experience of coming across several examples I am certain that this saying is most appropriate for a relationship between a Mother In Law (MIL) and a Daughter In Law(DIL). No? Okay honestly tell me all the women who rant continuously about a "cordial" and "enviable" relationship with their MILs or DILs aren't they actually in an arrangement where they meet 'regular' intervals. For others, there isn't anything to brag about!

Especially in our generation when its either - You love me or You love me not- who considers a permanent stay with in laws anyways! Even where it seems like a requirement(when you have jobs away from home)- trust me its known to be more convenient that way. So if you know you do not have to stay together for an unknown time- you are bound to be sharing camaraderie with your MIL- I mean c'mon that's the least you will do right?

So lets talk about the ones who stay with their MILs because if they say that their MILs love them, now thats newsworthy. That's extraordinary and yes- that's worth writing for :)

Stop jumping the gun people! I am in perfect harmony with mine and I am not using this platform to brag about it. Infact let me clear a myth- there is NOTHING to brag about this relationship and thats exactly the point I will make here. Its actually very simple- If there is no "peace" in this arrangement, we have a choice to be out of it-Its sad but its true. So if I have stayed on and more so- if she has let me stay on is because of another famous quote- this time in Hindi: Taali ek haath se nahi bajti. 

Its a complicated arrangement where you have to literally share a person who both of you love. Its a risky proposition because both of you may have references of "ideal" behavior ( you have a mother and she has a daughter). Its a volatile equation because the reason because of which this relationship came into being is a living human being who has feelings and is the worst sandwich in the world.

After glorifying this co-existence to such an extent I must make my point right? My point is that if you are in such an arrangement, be in it by choice and not force. Be in it with dignity (both yours and hers) and not compulsion. You know why? Because everyone who is NOT in it, has no business to wreck your brain by claiming tall stories of their "immense love" as they simply do not qualify.

You KNOW how you  make every day beautiful by accepting someone who loves your favorite possession as much as you do. Only you know how she tries to fit you in her household seamlessly so that you do not feel like an outsider. Dont you know that its a different ball game when both you have to make room for each others opinions, views & preferences while making even smallest of decision pertaining to your house/kids/husband and yourself. Hence just you know that this relationship is not a stereotypical one where "Love" is a huge thing- its like any other one which is a part of your identity and thus you do not make it look like anything out of this world :).

Wondering what makes it so effortless for me?
Well..... my Father taught me this- "She gave you Saurabh. After this she does not have to prove anything to you". 

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