Mere brother ki dulhan kaisi ho.....aisi ho bhai aisi ho!!!

Dear Rahul,

I have never written you a letter in my life right? I mean I have always picked up the damn phone and taken your class. So why write an open letter now!!! Reason is valid- so read up and make anyone who qualifies- read this!

I have been thinking about this since you told me that your 'chaddi buddy' (who is like you to us) might be getting hooked (read married) sometime next year. It struck me then that YOUR family is so busy with their own selves that we forgot to think about your marriage. Soon it will be time for you too! What to do, for us you are still the Rahul who jumped from the 1st floor balcony to the ground floor when Ma slapped you one afternoon because of me and then got slapped yet again when you started shouting for help!!! (Silly boy- why shout? We would have found you eventually)

I know you are not complaining but still!! You ought to get married one day and if we forget about it due to our sheer laziness, kindly look for a girl for yourself. But before you set out (or if you are already there) please keep in mind the following points because your sister has some time today to jot down who WE want as your wife!!

1. You know Dad always loved me more than you! Trust me we didnt make up that story of finding you near a garbage pile around India Gate. Mom just made it look like a story because you howled a lot when I mentioned it- anyways so since Dad will ALWAYS love me more than you, please find a girl who also is loved more than you! Then we can fight on equal footing on who gets more attention :)
2. Ma is a hard core perfectionist! Sometimes I wonder if she is my mother or mother in law! The amount of expectations she has from me in terms of keeping "Saurabh happy" and devoting my life to my kids (like she did for us), please take care that your wife knows this in advance. Tell her- "She is a Mom-in-law even to my sister, so baby- adjust" :). After all, her insistence will only better your life!
3. My kids think that you are just after their father and before Superman when it comes to being their hero. So dont end up like the Spiderman who hangs washed clothes on his web after marriage. Stay the superhero that you are!
4. I have had the great opportunity to see some of your exes' photographs and often said in my heart-" Thank god she is an ex now!". Please do a better job this time- Make her meet Saurabh- he has an eye for beauty ;) 
5. You know that maybe we know! But its okay if you want us to not know till you know- what is right!!! But you know.....okay we wont tell you till you officially let us know!!!
6. She should be able to survive huge volume levels of Television. (My husband still faces problems on that front but adjusts as he doesn't have to live in your house!) Also, she should actively prepare herself with current affairs knowledge as we as a family have huge, never ending discussions on our Dining table on everything we see on news channels. Warn her!
7. See brother- before tying the knot, every time she complains about a certain habit of yours, you will pass it off as "nakhra". Shaadi ke baad, the same nakhras multiply by a figure of 1000. So if the tendency of these nakhras now is manifold already- its khatra!! 
8. Before marriage I told Saurabh- "I dont know how to cook food!". He said- "O baby you wont need to also!". Today you know the elaborate 'my-made' cuisines that are laid on our dinner table- Basically tell her- "What do you mean you dont know cooking? Who will cook for Ma, Pa, our kids and Parul Di when she visits?". Try karke dekh- atleast we would have told her!!
9. Please tell her the truth about your freaky habits like cleanliness, that you cannot mix dal and rice in your plate and always need help with it, that you are a carnivore, that you order a cheese pizza when we go to Haldirams, that you have to be pushed to watch a movie in a theater, that you will forgo food but dance the night away if music and company is good blah blah blah. Oh, the prospective girls might be reading this? "Girls, please ignore!!"
10. We are all believers of the legendary Feroz Khan, foot tapping song- Pyar do....Pyar lo. Basically let her know that our parents are extremely simple so the only way to win them is through HONESTY and Dad is known to judge people from their faces in the first few minutes of meeting them! "Be yourself girl, because he will anyways know" :)

Your wellwisher,

Paldi :)