Monday, 7 May 2012

If I had a daughter....

When I was very very young and Doordarshan viewing was a norm in households, we were watching some documentary and there was this line used in it which has strongly stuck in my sub conscious mind and stayed with me since then:

" In India, bringing up a daughter is like watering the neighbors plant"

Baat to sahi hai. When I got married and left my Dad's house I realised that a place in which I so "normally" lived for 25 years was suddenly not "my" house any more. Gradually my almirah was vacated to make room for other stuff. My books and toys were shifted to "MY" house. Over time I lost track of drawers and likely contents in them. Every time I came, I was served water in a tray!
Before you jump the gun, I am not saying that I was thrown out! Its so natural for us girls to make this transition. If I lost so many rights in my earlier house, I gained manifolds in my new one. My Mother in law took no time to make me the BOSS of her own house and I ran the show alone, soon enough. The difference ofcourse remains forever- There, I was not responsible for anything, here - everything IS because I do it :)

I often discussed with my mother that why why why are we daughters raised to accept this transition so smoothly. She obviously had no answers and would joke- When you have your daughter, you raise her as you want !

Cut to year 2007 and 2009 when I carried 2 babies for 9 months each , praying both times- "This time GOD, it has to be a daughter" ( not because I wanted to raise her revolutionary, silly people!! Because I JUST so wanted a daughter!!) I do not have any scope now and whatever my mean friends may think, I am not EVER going to TRY for a 3rd baby.

So lets not sob over a life without a Daughter ( life is not disastrous still! Its lovely with my sons and I wouldn't trade it for any other way now). This post is just a few things I believe would be different, if I had one:

  1. I,quite unbelievable for a woman, HATE shopping. But if I had a girl, I believe I would have been less miser! Why else do I roam aimlessly in the "girl's" section of a Kids clothes' shop and in the end call my Mom- "You buy something for V and N- I didn't like anything" :)
  2. My house would be more in order! There are atleast 2 occasions every single day when I have avoided a fracture because I slipped over those small Hot Wheel cars that my boys have. The number is close to 100 and I HATE them!!!
  3. When we go out and my 3 boys are waiting for me to add glamour to their own usual jeans and Tee style statements, I do miss dressing up a small girl in pink frills and doing up her hair in dozen clips.
  4. My throat would have been clearer as one daughter would have ensured the lessening of the frequency of my shouting- by half! Trust me people- 2 boys of almost the same age means 2 boys with same energy and brain levels which in turn means- Catastrophic!
  5. Saurabh would have definitely loved me less! Its not like I love him any less because I have sons, but because I know him too well. He would have formed his own little cartel with her and kept me out of it forever :). I had so wished for it to come true as a daughter is the only other girl a woman can share her husband with. I see my Mom doing it still :)
  6. My mom in law would be FULLY happy with her son's choice. Why? Because while no one dared, she had the courage to tell me just a month after my second son was born- "Now just give me one granddaughter and you are done!!" Done with what Ma?? My life, right??
  7. Trust me, its not the curious case of sour grapes, but I dislike words like "My lil angel", " My cute Lil princess" in the same breath as I dislike the words " LOL" and " Awwwww..." on say Facebook!! Maybe if I had a daughter, it would have been so irresistible that I would have succumbed to these words? ( Chances are little as I have never tagged my boys as " Aww cutiepies" or " My stud muffins"!!)
  8. I would have, by now,chalked out all her dance classes, music classes, tennis classes and painting classes in my head. Basically in order to fulfill everything that I didnt do (despite my mother going out of her way to ignite my interests in them) through her as I have now realized how stupid I was to not take her seriously. With sons I am way too relaxed and lazy about starting these now.....maybe next year!
  9. Those who know me, know that I can cry at the drop of a hat. I can cry even if I see someone else crying without even knowing the reason of it! It was my niece's 3rd birthday( she was born just days after Viraj) and as everyone started singing Happy Birthday to her, I receded to the back, quietly shedding a tear because I was imagining her growing up too fast and one day- be prepared to hear this- getting married and going away!! So if I wont be able to let her go, imagine how many buckets I would have filled every time MY girl achieved a milestone. As for my boys, in my MIL's words- "Kuch bhi karo, kahin nahi jaane waale yeh" :)
  10. Saurabh would have been a different person altogether. I have never seen him longing or wanting something very desperately in his life. He is basically very contented and happy with whatever he has except for his honest and child like urge for a daughter. Its no exaggeration that when I was brought out from the delivery room after Nevaan, I held Saurabh's hand on the way to the room and said- Sorry :)

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