How to keep your wife grounded- the Saurabh way...

My husband is a man of few ( or is it NO) words. Poor thing's lack of a functional vocal chord is often misunderstood for his arrogance. He is a kind of person who will utter every single word after he has mentally rehearsed it for a good 10 seconds. Now marry him off to someone who utters the entire sentence and doesnt care to think about it even after 10 minutes. Marry him off to someone who often completes his sentences because she is too lazy to wait for him finishing it in  his own sweet time!

I am sure by now you are pitying him for his choice of a spouse ( yes he chose me!). But read on to find out how I am the actual sufferer as he maybe short of words but never short of his one liners!!
Learn a trick or two from just a few instances of how he keeps his " every chirpy", " ever eager" and " please appreciate me or okay atleast talk to me" wife GROUNDED!!!

•  When I say the most abused 4 words  said by every wife when she has gotten ready to go out somewhere

Me : How do I look?
Saurabh : Even if you tried hard you cannot look ugly. So never ask me again and every time!

• When I have cooked something nice for dinner

Me: How is it?
Saurabh : Do you know how to cook bad food? Har roz poochti ho!

• On my birthday, our anniversary or any other 'occasion' where expecting a gift is not an offense!

Me: I hope you have planned what you are buying for me!
Saurabh : Babyyyy.....sab kuch tumhara hai. Alag se kya kharidna!!!

• For our kids

Me : See how well behaved they are! You must commend me for all the good habits I am putting into them
Saurabh: Yaar they are my boys. Genetically they cannot be ill mannered!!

• For Nevaan

Me : Thank god he eats everything
Saurabh : Mera beta hai

• For Viraj

Me: He is such a picky eater :(
Saurabh: Tumhara beta hai !!

• When one of his relatives gives me a compliment

Me: See! that one said I am such a nice daughter in law
Saurabh : Kamaal hai ! Why else did I marry you?

• During a fight

Me: You dont love me or what?
Saurabh : Is this the right time to ask me that?

• After a fight

Me: Atleast Say sorry!
Saurabh: Sorry? Me?? Shouldn't you say it???

• When I posted the last 4 blogs and got tremendous response and encouragement from everywhere

Me: Makes me so happy . I am so full of confidence to carry on....
Saurabh: Arre kamaal hai! Uday Chopra ki tarah baat mat karo
Me: Uday Chopra? He just gave one hit!
Saurabh: Oh yes, you are Vivek Oberoi right now!! Teen chaar hits and you are flying!!