Friday, 22 March 2013

My Holi Dodge!

I grew up with cousins till I was 10 years old. We lived in a joint family in a good South Delhi locality. We were about 8 of us all of varied age groups- ranging from toddlers to college goers! Every festival in the Tyagi Mansion was a riot! How will it not be when there were way too many kids and adults like my Dad and his elder brother who were always party to whatever craziness their kids were doing! When they were not scheming the pranks, they were  safeguarding us from complaining neighbors. With such a support system to back our mischief, our guts were fanned regularly.

The inspiration of this post is that one balloon which attacked me day before and wiped the dust off old memories! Memories of using this same trick to irk every passerby who dared to enter our territory. Not to forget that we were strategically placed on a 3rd floor terrace to carry out our (mis)adventures. You must appreciate that when at least 8 kids are targeting an unsuspecting victim, it must take tremendous team work and understanding to also hide in unison. However, repeated Holis assured everyone living around that it was this particular household that was at the center of all silliness. How we chose our year on year victims was also quite scientific. Whoever looked up and scolded us the most- was naturally the target of maximum mess. I can never forget one Khanna Uncle (is there any chance that he will ever read this blog post?) who was so mad at us for making him a butt of our Holi pranks that for atleast 5 days before every Holi, he used to come out of his house with Henna applied on his head, so if we target him with a balloon, the mehndi will spread on his face and he could have a better case to come and fight with our parents- parents who if were unaware of what their kids are upto still protected us with impromptu excuses like: "Our kids? None of them is even home!" or "Holi par balloon nahi throw karenge to crackers burst karenge kya? Aap chai pijiye!"

Now we are all grown ups. We all have kids who are roughly the same age as I was then. But its their hard luck that they are not together in a joint family set up :). They will never know what fun it is to grow up with older cousins who make you smart simply by being themelves! Trust me all these episodes have made me wiser in dealing with Holi myself! I am going to teach V and N to never target scooters or bikes or people with phones or an old age person or an aunty with a kid blah blah.

Day before yesterday in the evening, when a balloon landed on my feet, I realised that  I am quite a pro in dealing with this! How? This is how....

  1. While I was at some distance, I could see a small kid looking first at me and then up-again at me and then up- I knew a balloon awaited me.
  2. As I neared the small kid, I said to him- "Agar gira na mujhpe balloon, Ill teach you a lesson"
  3. Poor kid made some gesture to his friends on the Top floor of the building and rushed inside his home. He probably meant- "From now on , I am not your friend guys!"
  4. As the kid rushed in, I knew I will be thrown at now- FOR SURE! So I had to come up with a plan to avoid severe damage both physically and reputation wise! This is, in case, my threat which scared the ground floor kid had not scared the Top floor ones!
  5. As I was right under the 'terrace of menace', I moved as close to the wall of that house as possible so even if they throw it, they cannot aim my head. How silly it is to aim someone's head anyways.
  6. Just when I thought I had moved out of the danger zone, IT landed on my feet- luckily not a drop of water on my clothes.
  7. I kept walking as if nothing happened. Now this is the best way to tank someone's best efforts! Ignorance. If you will react (like start running in anticipation or keep looking up while warning them not to throw)- trust me- You will definitely be thrown at!
  8. Ya so, as soon as the balloon landed and I kept walking at my normal pace- the kids felt no need to hide. When I moved atleast 15 steps away from their house, I looked back. They were all hanging from their railings waiting for a victim who would show some respect by getting angry or irritated.
  9. Thats when I shouted- "Do this again and you are all gone!". See the logic is simple. Denial is the first way such people will react if you confront them. Catch them red handed and look them in the eye. Dont smile and encourage them (unless ofcourse you are happy to be targetd again when they brand you their "most accomodating victim")
  10. Yesterday as I stepped out of my house and was still at my gate, the ground floor boy ran inside as soon as he saw me. 
  11. I walked past the house with tremendous confidence (from the inside I was trembling) and the kids above kept hanging on the railings.
  12. I am sure they were saying to each other- "Ye boring hai yaar. Lets not waste a balloon on her!"
  13. Good BOYS!! :)

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