Never say this to a homemaker!

I do not particularly like the word 'Housewife' for some arbitrary reasons of my own. I hated it when relatives would ask- "Do you work or you are a housewife?" I felt like lying just to avoid being called that! Then I read a fancy women magazine calling women like me -' Homemakers'. Bingo! I had found my new designation! For some reason it has a sophisticated, classy and well...."I can live with it" kind of sound for me.

Homemakers is more appropriate also because it captures what we actually do. Make food, make beds, make rules for kids, make up
( Nah! not for me though), make life easier for stressed husbands, etc etc. But the Homemaker in me feels like breaking a thing or two when I hear the following repeatedly ( My warning- never say this to a homemaker- she doesn't deserve it):

• You didnt do this yet? What were you doing the whole day? 

( I was standing on my head trying to put my world back straight)

• How do you pass your time all day? Boring nahi hota?

( Nahi hota!  Kyunki bore hone ka bhi time nahi hota!)

• Us serial main kya ho raha hai aajkal? You must be watching afternoon reruns right?

( Yes. But I charge 50 rupees for telling one twist per serial)

• You know we dont have time for all this. We go to office na!

( Oh yeah? I also have no time to hear all this, I am still at MY office na!)

• You are so lucky you are at home

( Spend one day like me and I bet you ll go to office even if they didn't give you a pay cheque!)

• When will you resume work? Or you wanna stay like this forever?

( Like how? I chose this- okay get slapped now!!)

• Your kids must be so dependent on you. Kids who go to day cares learn to be more social

( Puhhllleeezzzeeee!!! I didnt go to a daycare ever!! And i know my "Social Limits" thats why not knocking you down for your idotic notions )
 

• You know I can never think of staying at home and not working

( Your home must be thankful for that too) 
  

• What? You don't work? Whyyyyy?

( Hmmm....I am a HomeMAKER :). Thats why :) )

V & N's Coaching Classes

I am their mother- their first teacher. My mother is mine and her mother was hers. I don't know if all mothers felt this at every age or am I reading too much between the lines- V and N ( my sons) are my biggest teachers. Their coaching classes I attend daily- whether I want the teachings or not-Thats not a choice!

These are the TOP 12 lessons:

1. I must mind my language- because when they repeat the words I use often, it doesnt sound too good- (Wot the F@$#)
2. I must also mind my TV viewing habits because when I scold them and they look scared and say : " Mom ab kya aap hamari zindagi barbaad kar dogi?", I feel like drowning somewhere
3. I cannot hate anyone.........or they will tell that person!!!-( I must say my relationship with my Mom In Law has bettered ;) )
4. I must eat the first bite of my every meal with caution- They WILL want to use the loo!!
5. Kids will always love their Grandparents more than you because grandparents never say NO to them. DO NOT interfere or get bogged down by this dynamics and wait for the time when you can relax on the sofa as a grandparent and say- " Arre bachche to rote hi hain! Inhe tang mat karo !!!" -( That ll be my revenge!!!)
6. They miss me a lot when I am not around (My neighbors know exactly for how many hours I was out) but they don't notice me when I am around them: This tells me that I am a security which is their right ( and I love this feeling)
7. They will respect me only if their father loves me. How their father treats his woman is a great influence on how they will treat theirs :). Its fun to see them jump on Saurabh and ask him- "Does Ma love you enough? As much as she loves us?".
8. Its not 'embarrassing' to live your life the child's way- Uninhibited , carefree and non judgmental- i realised this for the first time when I enjoyed my first rain dance with them in my balcony and forgot about some onlookers on the road. Today its the best times we ever shared and those onlookers dont exist! If I had wasted that moment in fear, I would have missed out on an important lesson
9. I think the phrase " I did so much for you" is the most overrated statement we have heard from parents ( Thanks to bollywood for popularising it)- I didnt leave my job for THEM. I did it for MYSELF. If I wanted they would have adjusted to a maid, creche or daycare. Its me and Saurabh who do not want them in that care and thus we are noone to pass on the burden of our guilt or non-fulfillment onto our kids. To set some records straight- I am the happiest Mother on this earth to have made this choice and bloody proud of it!
10. They will become what I am. So tomorrow if they are not good fathers or husbands or sons or human beings- I am responsible for it
11. They would always want to marry someone like me! The question is how will i adjust with someone like myself!!! and so I observe my Mom in law adjusting with me for tips :)
12. Last but not the least- They are the centers of my life now. I eat - sleep - walk - dance - cook - talk - laugh blah blah blah for them, by them and because of them so even if I do get irritated/ suffocated/ demotivated by it , I have NO choice and thus cribbing and complaining is not the solution! Acceptance, perseverance and well....constantly learning and growing is :)

Your kids are what they see and understand!

I have a daily ritual in my house of telling a story to V & N before their afternoon nap time. The ritual is not my story but what has to follow it. They are both supposed to tell me a story each too. The rules are simple:

1. Their story HAS to have a moral like mine has
2. They can take cues from what I have just told ( which is invariably always the case!) but it has to have something original of their own

I practice this daily as it gives them an opportunity to imagine and gives me an opportunity to peep into this imagination and know how they are assimilating the various strands of information and influences on them.

What happened in this session yesterday must be shared :)

I start:

"There was a cobbler. He worked very hard all day mending, polishing or making shoes for others. While he did this for others, he himself had no shoes . He would walk bare feet from his place of work to home without any footwear. One night his son asked why he didnt buy himself any shoes? The cobbler told him that he earns just enough to provide for his son's books, clothes and shoes as he has to go to school everyday and he is absolutely used to not wearing any himself. The son was very disappointed so when everyone in the house slept , he took his fathers tools and some pieces of leather and made slippers for him. When the cobbler woke up next morning he was elated to see his son's hardwork but told him to not worry about his father and study to become a big man."

As I ended my story I turned to my very attentive sons to give me the moral of this story.
Both say: We should always help our parents.

I was fairly satisfied by their comprehension and now it was their chance to come out with their stories.

Nevaan goes first : ( For all those who do not him, he is barely 3 years old but his attitude does not match his tiny, lean frame! He is called the " Raja Saahib" at home for his tantrums)

"Ek Raja Tha aur ek Rani thi. One day woh Dono Mall main gaye......aur unhone pata hai kya shopping ki? They bought shoes for themselves :)"

His moral: If you dont have shoes, go to the mall !!!

I was recovering from this story still when Viraj said he was ready with his

Viraj goes like this: 

" Once there was a Dhobi! He used to wash everyone's clothes all day but he himself had very less, torn clothes. One day his son asked why he did not wear good clothes himself. The son said he could also make him some clothes but agar woh needle se kaam karega then he might get hurt! So the Dhobi said- Dont worry Beta. He took his son to the ATM - like Papa goes na Mom when you ask him for money- and took the money from that machine. Uske baad unhone market se kapde kharid liye!! "

I was smiling at him when he asked- Mom, cobbler kyun ATM nahi gaya??

He says his moral is:

Every problem has a solution Mom. Aapko sochna chahiye tha apni story main :)

When you are parents...get ready to hear these umpteen times and IGNORE!

Its no longer funny how many times my husband Saurabh and I have heard these typical statements. I am capturing these here so that when you become a parent, you know you have to pay no heed to them!! if you are a parent already- Sounds familiar?

Statement: " Itna Rota kyun hai yeh?"
Ideal reaction: If we knew it aunty, we would have tackled it!!
Our reaction: God Knows!

Statement: " Kitne patle hain! Kuch khilaati nahi ho inhe?"
Ideal reaction: No! we eat their food ourselves
Our reaction: <smile>

Statement: " Hamare bachcho ne hame kabhi pareshaan nahi kiya"
Ideal Reaction: Really? To aapne unhe kiya hoga!!
Our Reaction: <smile>

Statement: " Ladte hain aapas main?"
Ideal reaction: Guess!!
Our Reaction: Yes!!

Statement: " Itni jaldi jaldi kyun kar liye dono bachche?"
Ideal reaction: Thats our problem, isnt it?
Our Reaction: <smile> ( we seriously dont know what to say to THIS)

Statement: "Naukri nahi karti? Kaise manage karte ho 2 babies?"
Ideal reaction: Fund khol rakha hai. Aapne contribute nahi kiya?
Our reaction: <smile> ( IT IS my business)

Statement: "Iski shakal kispe gayi hai?"
Ideal reaction: We have been figuring this one out from the minute they were born and now dont care!!
Our Reaction: Aap bataiye ( again with the smile)

Statement: "Bada Kaun hai dono main?"
Ideal reaction: Cant you see? And if you cant- Why do you wanna know??
Our Reaction: Viraj- yeh wala- one who is taller