The nest I built, the one you will outgrow...

Was never the children loving type,
but changed that, you two
Fell from the skies, into my hearts,
Filled me up, through and through.

We learnt together, as we moved ahead.
I discovered self as I built you.
No work, no promotion, no salary,
Nothing stood in front of you.

I heard them saying,
I was giving it up too easy.
I never cared to explain,
That, hey! you never asked me to!

As you stood firm, on ground with teeth,
We wondered who was the child amongst us three.
The endless afternoons of chatter and play,
My Babies, I owe plenty and more to you.

Every joy, your every meal
Every word you have ever
learnt
Every smile or tear you have given,
I have it stored, I breathe through them.

Your sleep, your school, your friends, your opinions.
They are yours now, I have taught you all.
But don't we know, each time you fall,
I will be smiling back at you.

I am not empty as you grow taller than me,
Because I never 'gave up' anything for you,
I chose to spend those moments together,
as memories I wished to build, my life had just that view.

I know you will need me lesser and lesser,
I know you will talk sparingly.
But I know the foundation in your heart is mine,
It says- Ma, Thanks for the childhood, that had you.

We are growing old. Just not accepting it.

Being called Aunties and Uncles is passe. Sooner or later, we come to terms to the fact that if we are walking around with our 8 or 6 year olds in company, we are inviting this. What I actually mean by 'experiencing old age' is much deeper and more closer to the places in my mind and heart which I assumed did not exist or thought existed only in our parents. Read up the things which are signs which make me feel 'old' and tell me if you are on your way too!

1) Aversion to noise: I have been a very dramatic and giggly one all my life. I am like that person whose presence in the house cannot be missed because either I will be expressing myself loudly or laughing out loud-when someone is expressing themselves. Often, this annoying habit of mine was a cause of my Grandmom's wrath. She would ask why I couldn't keep my cheer 'less noisy.' I wondered how can someone's laughter be noisy! Now, as I am gaining candles on my birthday cake, I have started feeling her. Youngsters cracking up on a joke in the Metro truly irk me. A lounge that plays music loud enough that I cannot hear my own heartbeat, makes me leave the place. Loud TV instantly triggers my 'shut the $#%& up' mode. Truly I am soon going to become that one in the house who will request others to- 'please keep it low' :/

2) Hair (The white ones and the falling ones): I know some of us have had white hair ever since they filled up Class 10th admit cards but hey- I never had them! I have two now and they will surely turn all the rest in their color. Every time we are going out, I spend 24.5 seconds on hiding them underneath their black brothers but they pop out like antennae, saying to me- 'you can hide us but don't fight us.'

3) Fights: Saurabh and I have stopped fighting. Not to set any precedents in front of our growing children but just because we are so bored of the whole process of first stressing on our own points, then 'trying' to understand the other's view, then sulking for three days, then reconciling because a movie has released and we obviously cannot go alone for it, then patching up and waiting for the next fight. Now what we do is this: "You disagree? Arre kyun yaar..." and we do as the other one wants. If this is not indicating old age, what is? We are clearly opting for peace over war and good times over bad ones.

4) Colors: If you think I will say that I have started liking pastels over neons- you are wrong. It is the opposite. Now when I go to a shop and the guy says- "Ma'am aajkal to ye chal raha hai"- I buy. I know the color is bloody bright but "agar aajkal jo chal raha hai wo nahi pehna to aaj kal ke nahi lagenge na!"

5) Food: Not yet on boiled vegetables and soups-only for dinner but yes I now know that if I have eaten ABC last night, XYZ will happen. This wisdom has made me choosy because while earlier I could rest five days over ill health, as I grow old, nobody can afford that I stay out of action for more than nine seconds.

6) Family and Friends: I think I now know fully who are my friends. Also identified people in the family who I like and who dont like me. I intend to kill the rest of my time nurturing these relationships rather than calling a new person every friday night and asking: "Wazzaa this weekend???"

Anecdote:

1) and ONLY: My children- I am unlike the cliches of how an ideal Mum should behave. For instance, I stop them sometimes from eating dal roti and order Pizzas (when Saurabh is eating out or travelling), I dance crazy when a good song is running on TV, I am abreast with all the sporting events they (and the nation) are following and thus when when I sometimes complain of a back pain or too much stress, they look glum. They cannot believe it! Because, somewhere, they don't want to :) 

It is for V and N that I cannot take ageing seriously. Growing old is not in my hands but growing up is :)

Why I love Pakistan. And why you should love India.

Firstly, there are no good excuses to ignore this blog for so long. I know I should not have and I am guilty as charged. You see, life does get a little 'all over the place' when kids are in the age as mine. Their schools and activities keep me on my toes and thus these fingers never got to the blog. 

Today, however, a post on my Facebook wall compelled me to write. I write this on behalf of every person who has never indulged in spreading hatred. This hatred is between countries and it's people. A few months back I had written a Blog Post on how fascinated I was because my Friend's List had some people from Pakistan in it. I always wanted to know about their lives, food, attire as it is deeply ingrained me that till a few decades back, we were indeed one. 

But today, I am deeply pained because of someone's existence in my friend's list from there. He posts at least, AT LEAST three posts a day saying something rotten about India. For him, Indian men are losers, Indian politicians are losers, Indian cricket team players are losers, Indian law makers are losers, Pakistani who say good things about us are losers, Indians are Losers. Initially I did go through the links or videos he posted while making such comments and once or twice even commented on his status messages explaining that not everything in India is as bad as he is assuming them to be. Tried to reason out that this hate will not take either of us anywhere but then with time I realized the futility of it as I saw him asking people who 'argued' with him to un-friend him. I did not , as I think I wanted him to bring me to this point where I can vent out- my love towards where he lives rather than hating him for what he is.

Isn't it a fact that things in India are actually much better than they are in his country. Still, I refrained from making that point and kept wondering why he was so hell bent in expressing his hatred towards a country that has people like me living in it. Who me?

1) I shed real tears when some assholes entered a school in Peshawar and killed so many sons of mothers like me. I did not sleep for two nights. I hugged my husband tight that night and my kids tighter because for me they weren't Pakistani mothers who deserved atrocities. They were mothers who had been cheated by God. Nothing less.

2) When Malala got the Nobel Peace Prize, I was proud of her. As proud as I was for Mr Satyarthi's award. I taught V and N what Malala stands for and why we should be very very proud of that girl. For me, she is not JUST a Pakistani.

3) When the Pakistani Cricket team loses to my team, I celebrate my win but never indulge in below the belt remarks on whether they deserved that loss. Of course I want India to win but then I want them to win against Zimbabwe, South Africa, England and even Antarctica in equal measure! That doesn't ashame me.

4) When I see a soldier wrapped in a Green Flag on TV, I say a little prayer for his family. Exactly the way I say a prayer for a soldier wrapped in the Tricolor. Not when he is a terrorist. Because I understand that difference. A soldier from Pakistan I saw on my visit to the Wagah Border, got my salute just as the soldier from India got.

5) I am a fan of Pakistan TV series. I don't get to watch them now but I grew up watching Zoya on Dhoop Kinarey. I am the biggest fan of Umar Sharif and Bakra Kishto Pe is my all time favorite comedy show. I never compare these things with anything in India. I am objective enough to understand that they have nothing to do with my people and their people. It is pure talent and I enjoy them just as much as I enjoy Shahrukh! 

6) I am a true fan of the beautiful girls of Pakistan. I admire them truly. They are full of grace and are actually divine beauties. Does that mean, I dont have beautiful women in my country? Nah! I am just saying, I know the women are good looking there and I totally acknowledge it.

I did go through some hate mongering Facebook pages where Indians are bashing Pakistanis. But I am not one of them. None of my friends are one of them. No one in my family is one of them. No one in my neighborhood is one of them. Trust me, they do not represent the major part of our population. Similarly this man, may be represents a minuscule percentage of Pakistanis who take pride in hating India. But you know what? It really disturbs me. And doing so behind the veils of loving your country- Boss- I love my Mom but I do not hate anyone else's. I love my children but I will never tell a friend whose children are doing good that I hate them for it. You love yourself, your people. Love me too. Love my people and their goodness too. No?

I hope this Blog Post reaches you (I know it will but cant say if you choose to read it) and I want to tell you one thing, one last time:

Peace can happen. Not through politicians, armies, borders, weapons. It can happen inside your heart. We have our own problems and you have your own. But there are problems that are common. Rapes, acid attacks, terrorism, poverty, environment, politics. We in India, feel equally resentful to these problems and empathise with you as you go about handling yours. Why not take the baton of happiness in our own hearts and hands. Next time you announce on your Facebook wall that you always knew Indian Men never had real 'balls', think of me or my family or my friends (we are all highly educated people living a good life in our country like you and your friends are) who will never EVER post something so demeaning or hate propagating about you.