"Miss Mistake"- Thats Me!

It is absolutely true that we can only learn from our mistakes if we admit that we made them. I confess in this post of 5 silly mistakes I committed and even though they aren't really of a stature that should attract capital punishment, still in a way they took some special moments away from my life and thus if I got a chance to go back and correct them, I would definitely do so!

1. Clicking pictures for Facebook- How many holidays, how many birthdays, how many outings with friends, how many moments at home with kids- I panicked when the camera was pointed on me! Why? Because the minute I heard a click on the camera, I would run to see if the picture is "fit" to be uploaded on Facebook. Really, extremely stupid of me! A couple of months back, without any prompting from any wise soul (read Saurabh), I myself stopped uploading any pictures that we clicked on our holidays or occasions. Does that mean we have any less fun when we make those trips? NO! In fact life is more fun now :)
2. Bothered about why people spoke behind my back- OK this is something that bothered me till about 2 weeks ago. Not because I did not know the reasons behind the content of those discussions. An incident made me realize that even when I didnt do anything, people wanted to know why I wasnt DOING anything!!! Now that made me feel like a cheaper version of Poonam Pandey as I needed to continuously feed into some minds' gossip ratings! But then I read this somewhere and it took me two, literally TWO seconds to change my life- I dont care about people talking behind my back. There is a reason they are behind me :)
3. Justified to people why I decided to be at home after my kids- To cut a long story short, I now know that Ill BE a mother and I will NOT BE guilty!
4. Thought too much about the calorie count of even the air that entered my mouth- Now this is justified! Imagine yourself to be 80 kgs and then blame me for worrying about calories. I wont lie by saying that I dont care about becoming 80 kilos again but yes there was a time when I measured the food I ate (in terms of the calories) and recorded it in an excel sheet! Saurabh and I fell in love for our common passion for good Food, Films and Holidays- How the hell can I deprive my best friend from enjoying good food with me :)
5. Crap consumption on TV- Remember Tara? Remember Banegi Apni Baat? Remember Kyunki Saas...? Remember Kasauti Zindgi Ki (which later even became Kasauti Zindagi Kay!)? I have seen each and every episode of this kachra! Kachra? Yes its a relative term but today when I have given up on the consumption of Hindi TV soaps, I see nothing vital missing from my life!

The "waiting" of Love will find a way....

Whats in a name you ask?
Someone answered already!
There is so much in one name for me
Let me answer it here ji

The name of importance here is Indirom
the publishers of my 1st Novel

the novel I publicized in ways
just short of what is called grovel!

Each one on my friend's list
every friend, every peer
"Download kiya?Arre karo!"
was all that I could hear

Some managed, some waited
Some complained, some cheered
But within days of standing up on its feet
The site, with bugs was smeared

I held my strength

I made some explanations

what could I really say....

When I was myself fighting patience?

Now, I have a mail in my inbox

which tells me the way ahead

for the baby I nurtured

with soul, heart and this head

So here I am, assuring you
my Publishers are sound and able
Infact they will be back-bigger and better
Can you all wait till April?

And the award goes to......those who speak from the heart :)

When Saurabh was not in my life- watching award functions on every channel was not such an issue. With him being so critical and doubtful of their sheer accountability, I stopped watching them at all- for many years now. And its a fact that when you know you CANNOT do something, you start justifying it by yourself assuming negative sides of that particular thing. Hence all the naach gaana and camera capturing awkward celebrity moments, started to get onto my nerves.

This year was no different-until last evening. While watching "something relevant" from Saurabh's standard I caught Hrithik's dance moves which were to be aired on the Filmfare awards. His dream dance moves transported me to the year 2000 when after Kaho na pyar hai, I went to one of his concerts at the JLN stadium in Delhi, and almost lost my vocal chords to a 3 hour non stop shouting!

Anyways so I asked- or rather-ordered that he will "allow" me to watch this particular show! Sometimes the regular equations in our house DO change and I am ALLOWED to do things my way! Last evening was one such evening and there I was, having to sit through the entire show as Hrithik only performed towards the end. This compulsion however made me remember the reason I loved these telecasts. No- Not for the clothes actresses wear, or the jokes hosts crack. Not for any feelings when my favorite movie of the year won, niether for apparent controversies that are placed to improve TRPs.

They may be rigged. They may be scripted or even sold. But there are some genuine winners- arent there? and when those winners say what they say while they hold the award in their hands- is what I watch these awards for! I was up at odd hours in the morning when A R Rahman won the oscar for Slumdog Millionaire. The speech he made- gravely disappointed me ( Remember his :"Mere pass ma Hai" ?). Last night, what some winners spoke- truly touched my heart and emotional fools like me cannot help a faint tear rolling down their cheeks when genuineness takes over the farce! 

When Sujoy said that it took hundred years of Indian cinema to get him this- I felt victorious.

When a guy said that today he will go back to his elder sister and explain why he stole her money to watch movies- I felt nostalgic.

When Richa Chaddha said she was thankful for the industry's warmth in accepting outsiders- I felt hopeful.

When Anurag said that these awards allow filmmakers like him to make different cinema- I felt proud.

When Irrfan  dedicated his award to Paan Singh's family- I felt gratitude.

When Annu Kapoor spoke what he spoke with a tinge of a lump in his throat- I felt vindicated.

When Ranbir gave a silent speech- I felt awe for his creativity.

Oh yes there are many each year who DO NOT deserve to receive any award and speak- but an year when there have been some real winners- I must say- When you deserve recognition for work you invested a lot of hard work and belief in, the words do come out from the heart and they DO impact people who understand the worth of  creativity......your creativity :)

Making of -"Love will find a way"

Before any blockbuster (or even a dud film) comes out, comes the "making of it"- All the behind the scenes action that add to the overall excitement of that film. Now I am not saying my first book will compete in the 100 crore club but for me it is as precious as Viraj- My first baby :)

I will not be able to account for a day by day "making" of this book but there are some incidents behind it which are worth capturing!

The manuscript

1. There are only 3 people who have read this book before its release. My younger brother cum best friend- Rahul-who read it in the 1st two hours of me sending it to him. In fact even when I had not completed it, he would message me thrice a day to check if I was ONLY writing and not sleeping! My father, had to convince himself a lot before reading a work of fiction. He did so purely because he loves me and no other reason in this world! The last but certainly NOT the least (simply because of the effort Rahul, Papa and I put on him to sit down and read it) is my Husband- Saurabh! First he took out the print of the whole manuscript (3 days). Then he filed it in a neat folder (2 days). Then he kept it on his bedside (5 days). Then he planned a holiday to Kasauli only because he wanted to read in a serene, hill station kind of scenario (4 days). Then he tucked it in a handbag and assured me and Rahul that he will read it in Shatabdi express (6 hours). He read all the newspapers but did not open the folder as his head apparently spins when he reads in motion! We reach Kasauli, spend 3 days on the hills but Saurabh did not/could not begin reading it! We come back home, Shatabdi again, and he.........yes you guessed right- didnt read it. Then one Sunday evening, when the accusations and doubts probably weighed heavy on him, he set up a reading friendly atmosphere on our balcony- and READ!! He finished in two hours flat. Why? "I just could not keep it down!"
2. One night the filed manuscript was lying on our Dining table just before dinner. My Mom In law picked up the file, turned some pages and said- "What is this?". Saurabh told her its the book her Daughter In law has written. Love what she said after that- "You wrote it? Every page of this? Each and every word?? I thought you guys were kidding about this book thing!"....No Ma, luckily we were not!
3. On some days, I used to get so engrossed while writing, like maybe when I was stuck with some character or a chapter, that my sons just would not understand why Mamma is not getting up from her desk. When they probed I told them- "Ma is writing a book. She needs some time from you guys". They complied but looked worried- "We will have to read it too?". Oh babies- You will...but not now :)
4. My Mother is the silent support behind all this furor. She knows the premise of the story and that is enough for her. Whoever she has met after I got down to write it, she has told- "Parul ab kitaab likh rahi hai". Its this faith that has kept me going Mamma!
5. A cousin of mine always knew I had a thing for writing. When I started blogging, he encouraged every time I posted an entry. When I told him I might get published- he started calling me- "Kalam Waali Bai". Dimple Kapadia was called by this silly name by Nana Patekar in some shady Bollywood flick! More so he introduces me to his friends also with this name!!
6. One of my father's best friends has already taken my "Autograph" on a tissue paper! He says the day I will give my "first official one", he will claim his supremacy :)
7. My extended family and some close friends have been hounding the 3 people who have read this book for "sneak previews". Rahul says he will have to stop meeting people as he has run out of excuses to evade the questions!

There are so many other moments that have helped me shape this story. It has come out of my heart and not the mind. Like I said, its like my first baby- more may come after this but the innocence and excitement that I have put in this one, cannot be replicated :)

Oh and you can download my novella here : http://www.indireads.com/books/love-will-find-a-way/