Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Handpicked for the Impossible!

Shit happens! It happens to everyone. But what when a particular kind of 'shit' happens to you where you are damn sure you have been targeted?  Its like if you have a sweet tooth and you are diagnosed with Diabetes. Or you love to get angry and you have High BP. Or you want to spend a fun weekend with your wife but your in laws come visiting. Very lame attempts at giving corollaries but I am hoping you got the point.

The point is that till today I thought I had only one such problem in my life. Just two days ago, however, I have been diagnosed with another fatality. The latter one has taken away my entire sense of being. It violates the basic rights of my existence. It so shamelessly challenges who I am- or like to be!! It almost seems to have answered the prayers of my husband (and my Mother in law), which is painfully disturbing!!

Ya so what are the two things in my life which are blatant examples of the stuff that JUST SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED to someone like me?

  1. I love to eat! One of the three crucial reason why Saurabh and I got married (the other two, I shall touch upon later) was that we love our food. Food has to be the center of why we earn, we live, we travel, we breathe so on and so forth. But the same food, for some strange reason after my pregnancies, has led to serious weight inflation sprees. Its so bad that if Saurabh insists that he and i should spend some 'quality time' in our balcony every morning inhaling "fresh air', I am unable to do so because even air shoots up my weight by a couple of significant grams! I drink water and hey my weighing machine starts talking. So for someone who loves to eat- weight gain is such a rude way of making her curb those desires. Its another thing that I DO NOT curb them but yes every second spent on top of the weighing scale and Saurabh peeping from behind my shoulder- kills me one bit each day!
  2. This first problem will seem like a molehill in front of the one you are about to read. For some weeks now I could hear a distinct 'click- click' in my mouth. Every morning I woke up, I would not be rubbing my eyes like all of you- I would be adjusting my lower jaw because it seemed stuck. Oh yes- STUCK. I moved along thinking- Hoga kuch, till the condition got severe and now not just mornings but whole day long, I had to bear the bloody click-click and a sense of "Jaw Freeze". So I go to a doctor and guess what?? I have Temporomandibular Joint Disorder- So fancy a name for a disease (Almost like lymphosarcoma of the intestine). Lets call it TMJ disorder where due to a manufacturing defect in my jaw, it has finally dislocated and if I open my mouth too wide (like for yawning), boom it gets stuck! Sounds so ewww, but along with it being irritating- its damn painful!! Ya so what is the cure you ask? Just imagine what it could be??? For everyone who knows me it will be impossible to believe that a Doctor had the audacity to suggest  this treatment- She said- "Talk less!!" 
What the hell? Talk less?? How on earth does Parul Tyagi do that?? I have 2 sons and now I am officially not allowed to shout on them! I cant fight with Saurabh as I cant 'raise' my voice! Ever since this diagnosis, my Mother in law has reminded me at least 4 times- "Arre chillao mat bachcho par. This is God's way of telling you not to!". I cant even laugh out loud in my signature tone because every time I do that, Saurabh says-" Haso mat. Just smile!". IMAGINE!!!

So I will reiterate- Shit has happened. Such an unfair one with me. But I will laugh, I will talk and I will yell at my kids- Because if I will not do these, I will die of something more disturbing than a silly Jaw dislocation :).

Oh yeah and I forgot to ask my doctor if I can eat Gol Gapaas!!!

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