Valentines Week Special: A pick up line that can never be used on me

Love is supposedly in the air this month. Never really understood this mush but whatever. The way I have accepted the FB Movies fad I will accept that February is a month when love hormone is floating in the air with utmost intensity and may everyone who does not get love in January or August or October- find their love in this blessed month.

 

Now if I make two and two four, February is also the month which should have the most cheesiest lines thrown at girls from boys or at women from men? Yeah of course! The pick up lines, the serenading dialogues, the coochie cooing words and everything else in these categories. Now how many surveys have you read about the "Worst Pick Up Lines ever used on Women?". I know, I know- Its impossible to keep a count but you agree that you have read about them. Now if you are a woman, tell me which is the most irritating of all these lines? I guess the award for the most irksome but popular cheesy line goes to: "Hey, have I seen you somewhere?"

 

Now being a woman I should be ideally hating it myself but you know what? There is a reason why I do not. I don't know if you ll believe this or not but apparently my face is such that I always-yes ALWAYS- give a feeling that people have met me before. Arre Sach!!! I am so bloody used to hearing this from Aunties, Uncles, Doctors, Friend's relatives, Teachers, Recruiters,  Bus Conductors, Rocket scientists and World Leaders that I do two things now:
 

1) Don't mind. Smile.

2) Say politely: Meri shakal hi aisi hai

 

I realised that people truly believe that they have seen me somewhere as I often heard people saying the same thing to my Dad. Since I resemble him I guess its a given that we have a face which is either a mixture of a lot of faces or our features are hopelessly common in nature that nothing really stands out for people to think- We are new!

 



Do we look familiar?

Having lived with these strange reactions from people it is only now that I have got my husband used to hearing this. Earlier he would get conscious if someone was trying to act smart with his wife but now he too nods his head agreeing with me that its no cheesy business. Its so creepy that now I even pre-empt that this person we are in conversation with will say what the next minute.

 

 I remember that while making arrangements for my brother's wedding last year, Saurabh and I were at a place to meet a chef who would prepare food for our guests. We had been waiting for him for a while before he enters the room, fixes his eyes on me, shakes hands with me, tilts his head on one side as if thinking hard. Just then I looked at Saurabh and said,

"He also thinks he has met me before."

"Whoa," said the Chef. "Where have we met but?"

When I was asked: "Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

If you ever attended those preparatory classes for MBA entrance exams you must have rehearsed your 'unique' answer for this question many a times. The question that goes like: "Where do you see yourself in ten years?". I remember those geeky teachers in my Career Launcher days who psyched us that every college will ask you this dreaded question. The only two instructions we were given for preparing the answer were:

1) Never say the truth
2) Never say- "Sir, in your seat"

My interview to get into MICA (My MBA college) didn't give me the chance to blurt out this answer. I don't remember the questions but clearly remember that I was not asked this! Two years at MICA came and went like tornado. Friends, hostel, mess food, credits, Ahmedabad- these things erased every instruction from my head and here I was at my first ever Campus Placement Interview with a Top most Media Planning Agency.

 

There were two people on the panel- A man and a woman. Both very senior and known people in the industry. I was shit nervous and damn sure I am not landing this job. An informal pre placement offer at the back of my mind relaxed me a bit and I thought- Lets just see what happens. After a random 'this and that' rant by my interviewers came the question that was/is/will always remain favourite of those who love interviewing. Only difference is- I had completely forgotten the 'right' answer for it now.

 

The woman interviewer- a successful, ambitious and brilliant professional sat back on her chair and asked: "Parul, where do you see yourself in ten years?"

 

Ten years meant 2014. Which is now. In the real world where am I after ten years? I am happily married. I have two adorable sons. I have ensured that I personally took care of them in their early years. I was fortunate to pursue my passion for writing and lucky to be a published author. I have tried my best to stay abreast with my professional expertise.

 

You know what? I gave my answer and I was not selected :). Not saying that they pointed out this reason but certainly this was the last thing they asked before I was instructed to send in the next person. They had put me in a waitlist and confirmed my name exactly ten minutes after the names of 7-8 selected candidates (My husband was one of them). So why is it that they didn't like my answer instantly? Maybe because I sounded too unambitious? Too informal? Too true?

 

In three days I leave for the same campus. To celebrate with my friends the completion of TEN years out of MICA. It is now that I reflect upon my naivety of saying what I said then and feel happy that I was indeed speaking from my heart and not mind.

 

My answer: In ten years, hopefully I will be well settled in a marriage, raising a family just the way I want. At the same time I will give in my best to have settled professionally in order to pursue something creative alongside. Anything that is beyond a regular job which keeps me sane and satisfied.

10 things we do differently as Mother and Sons

Just about to celebrate the 5th birthday of my second son. Yeah that does make me sound very old but hey- I had babies early- OKAY?

V and N: Partners in crime. Partners for life

Yeah so just yesterday I was observing the two extensions of mine having a time of their own in each other's company. They did not need me like they did not need the sofa I was sitting on. Point is, as they are growing up, my existence is limited to being a provider- Of food, toys, books, birthday plans and drives. My silent observations of their total withdrawal from me led me to make some comparisons. I was comparing how the same rituals and things of the past are now totally different. Here are the Top Ten Things in that list:

1) FOOD

Before: I cooked. They ate. They vomited. I cleaned. They digested. I was happy.

Now: I cook. They make faces. They demand. I argue. They persist. I cook. They are happy.

 

2) SLEEP

Before: All night up. All night crying.

Now: Both are early risers. Jump on my head as early as 7 am even on a Sunday!

 

3) Games

Before: Toys. Balls. Puzzles. Simplicity

Now: Does anyone have boys who DO NOT play cricket? My sons can play cricket all day, all night, all month, all year, all holidays, all school days, all summers, all monsoon!

 

 

4)TV

Before: I didn't get time for much TV

Now: I don't get time for much TV! Nobita and Chota Bheem should be banned in our country.

5) School

Before: Cried initially. Settled well gradually.

Now: In the words of my older one: "Whoever invented Schools should be sent to a jail and beaten blue!"

 

 

6) Clothes

Before: Bath. Clothes. Done

Now: Bath. They don't like the clothes I have chosen for the day. They themselves dig into the almirah. Wear Jeans even at home. They have favourite colours. And lately they have started commenting on what we wear too!

7) Parties somewhere outside

 

Before: Tried leaving them with Dadi but all we heard was- "Come back early. They are crying a lot"

Now: We want them to come along and they cry as they would rather be home!

 

8) Parties at our home

Before: Party started. Kids put to sleep

Now: "When will your friends come?", "Will they get kids?", "They get gifts for us?", "When will they go?", "No! We wont sleep early", "What will you do that we cant see?"

 

9) Papa

Before: Saurabh is a hands on Dad. Updated about everything-big or small.

Now: Saurabh continues to be what he was. They love him more than me!

 

10) Me

Before: I was there. I will be there. I should be there.

Now: I am there. I may not be there. They are infact happier when I am not at home as then Dadi can spoil them rotten :)

 

 

Calendars on 1/1/Every year

Calendars hanging on the walls invoke a lot of nostalgia in me. The ones with birds, mountain peaks or animal faces- I have vivid memories of them. I always used to have one in my room while growing up. And the first thing I did with a new Calendar? Turn to the month of July (I was born in it) and see what picture it has. Invariably I used to find that particular picture the worst in the whole calendar and sulk through the year. Not to mention, sibling rivalry ensured that my brother who is a January born always had the best picture of the lot and thus worsened my agony.

Now for the past 8 years of running my own household, I have never invested in a calendar. In initial years I did get them from Mom in Law as she worked in a bank and often got good looking calendars from her clients but gradually she stopped sharing them with us. Both Saurabh and I saw no need of relying on calendars for dates. For the general aesthetics of how we wanted our house to be, we never hung them. So questions like- "10th ko kya day padega?" or "Wednesday ko kya date hai?" were all answered by our phones or simple mathematics of going on adding 7 to today's date :)

But this calendar culture has some everlasting memories attached. To me every 1st of January was associated with changing calendars around the house. Choosing which calendar should be put in our room (the kids room) and which should go in Ma-Papa's room. They would come rolled so we used to open them, roll them the other side, figure out the small red string on the top, hang them all neatly on the designated nail and of course then turning the pages to see days of all our important events like our birthdays and parents' anniversary. This activity in my memory is synonym to how the first day of every year would be spent.

Just yesterday my sons got their homework notebooks and insisted that I take some sort of a dictation. I wondered the reasons behind kids being proactive about Dictations. But I realised soon that they were both excited to write a new year in the date that they mention on top right. They wrote with excitement- 1 slash 1 slash 14! Maybe this is the excitement I had with those colourful calendars on my walls.

Oh these silly memories and their associations. Years are turning still but no pages are carrying them now :)

Crossed her path today...

I am not saying that just because I live in Delhi, the brutality of the gang rape hit me harder than any other woman in this world. But you know something happened last night which sort of made me feel the brutality a little bit closer than it ever had. As someone who has moved a zillion times on Delhi Roads, when I read the name of the Bus Stop from where she boarded the bus to the route it took while the horror was being committed, I sort of connect instantly. I have never personally stood at that particular place and I am sure whoever is there everyday, even now, must be remembering her each time.

But last night, just as my phone showed the time as 00:00 and thus the date changed, through a strange coincidence, I was getting down the flyover which ends at the place this girl was thrown by the monsters, along with her friend. I was in my car, secure with my husband. There was a lot of traffic (it is a busy road even at midnight), my children were sleeping at home safely, my parents had just messaged me goodnight, my brother and his wife, who I had spent the evening with, were constantly in touch with me on my phone if we have reached or crossed the toll etc.. But just as we got down the decline, I was fully aware that this was the exact spot where she was abandoned to die, exactly an year back. I did become part of the National outrage post this crime and expressed solidarity and anger and irritation and helplessness. But somewhere, like everyone else, I had moved on. I celebrated my children's birthdays, I took three holidays, I danced crazy at parties, I laughed my eyes out with friends, I married off my brother and did many other things which a normal person had done, is doing and will do.

Why then when I turned my gaze to the left to once see that place, something stopped inside my heart. Did I feel shallow? Scared? Hurt? Shameful? Guilty? I have no idea. All I felt was a numbness. I immediately turned to look at my husband who is the guy I share my life with. There was nothing unusual on his face. He looked at peace as we would soon reach home. I took solace in his calmness and decided to not share the sudden hollowness with him. The moment passed and I was soon worried about usual things like why is he driving so fast and how will I wake up early tomorrow morning. Did my connection with that horror emerge just because I was at that exact place where that girl was?

Yes. It was a way to let the woman in me know that this city could let me down at any point of time leaving my kids, husband, brother and parents totally helpless. It was a way to remind the mother in me that I am raising two sons who I have to teach to respect the gender their mother belonged to. It was a way to rekindle the human in me to stop for a minute and experience the enormity of this date.

Spare a minute to shut your eyes and say a small prayer for that family who have lost one of them because a bunch of fellas decided to do so!

After effects of Shaadi

The dust has settled. The guests are gone. The Thank You calls have been made. The maids have been satisfied with enough 'Bhai ki shaadi ki mithais'. Now is the time to reflect upon the last few months that went in making an Indian Wedding a perfect one!

I am not implying that we had a 'perfect' wedding, but the whole point is that no matter what you do- A wedding can NEVER be perfect. And that truly IS the real beauty of it. I was not supposed to write this post but you don't know how much pressure I have upon me to write it. The regular consumers of my blog who met me at my brother's wedding (held on 10th November-This year) told me they await a sequel post on an earlier one where I had merely forecasted the likely repercussions of organizing a wedding. So here they are- the truths behind everything we anticipated, everything we were prepared for, everything we weren't prepared for and everything that ought to happen as weddings do not happen between two individuals- they happen at various social levels!

1) Sending invites is the most thankless and risky part of the entire game. First you need to collectively decide WHO all are important and then you need to collectively convince each other why the one who are UNIMPORTANT are actually so. This is the time you come up with logics like- "Oh he didn't invite me in his cousin aunt's grandson's mundan, so its okay to drop them from the list!". 

2) Continuing with the invites, all those who make to your-To be Invited- list then start acting pricey and possessive with their postal addresses. You ping them, remind them, urge them, request them- they will not send you the addresses till it is too late for the courier companies to reach their doorsteps. Oh and if you have asked them to give you addresses of their extended families- be prepared to beg forever!

3) There are always at least three things that we 'leave' to be done closer to the date and when we get closer to the date- those three things are not done as we do not have enough time to do them.

4) The vendors providing you services like band, baaja and bistars are the lot that have some typical traits: 

Six months for the wedding- "Sab ho jaayega Sir"

Four months for the wedding- "Badi jaldi macha rahein hai aap"

Two months for the wedding- "Phir aa gaye aap?"

Two weeks to the wedding- "Aap Kaun?"

5) Wedding jitters aren't natural, they are man made. If you attend a party month before a wedding in your house and you are having a good time, the society conspires to invoke jitters in you. They corner you and ask- "How come you look so relaxed? Preparations are done?". That is when you start feeling guilty if you are truly a fool to be enjoying life so close to the big day!

6) Emotions again are man made. Of course they are natural first but see how they are man made: Every time I went out shopping for myself and the shopkeeper came to know that I am the groom's sister he would say- "Dulhe ki behan hain aap? What will people say if you wear such a light color? You must look like the Dulhe ki behan!". Now you come back home and emotions consume you. You pick up your phone and type a Whatsapp message to the Dulha saying- "I am so happy you are getting married"

7) At all the functions you have a smile that sits on your lips. That smile is meaningless. It is so cosmetic that even biggest cosmetic companies cannot package it ably. Along with that smile another thing that doesn't leave your lips is the word- Thank You. Either people are congratulating you or complimenting you. I am so embarrassed to share that a couple of times when I met people at the functions I started greeting them with- "thank you....." realizing that they had neither congratulated nor complimented. But being a creative person I quickly added- "....for coming"

8) There is not just labor that is going in to make a perfect wedding, I realized that there is also blood! The real after effects are more physical. A limping husband, a bruised son, a cold infected self are just some of the things I can mention.

9) They say that you come to know who really care for you at the low points of your life. I say if you want to know who all are the people who truly stand by you- host a wedding. I am so glad that today I know exactly who are the people I will never leave in their good or bad times. So what if we realized that such people are actually countable on fingers- at least we know WHO they are :)

10) I know that managing relatives as guests is a huge task and as part of that hugeness- I am not touching that touchy topic :)

Are you serious about making a change? Someone I know is :)

My father's elder brother- Shri M K Tyagi- that is my Tauji has joined a political movement.He is one of the likely candidates from a Delhi constituency. When the political party he is attached with announced on Social media that people can get back to them if there is any flaw in his candidature, I got thinking. As his family member I have seen closely, everything that Tauji has stood for, all his life. But it is fair that most of you do not know him so you will not understand why we want him to get chosen and run for a victory this December.

I have been thinking ever since. Hence I came up with an idea so you know what kind of inspirations I have around me. I asked him a few quick questions so you know him a little better! As his niece all I can say is that his principles have guided each one of us to stay together and united. 

Read my short interview with him (I had asked him to keep his answers crisp- very youth ishtyle):

Me: We all want to contribute to a better India. How do you think we youngsters can do it?

M. K Tyagi: By following the law of land

Me: All politicians are same! Corrupt and mean. Why should we vote?

 M. K Tyagi: Voting is necessary to exercise option of NONE OF THE ABOVE if not any thing else 

Me: If there is a choice of getting our work done quickly by greasing some officials palms, why shouldnt we do so?

M. K Tyagi: As you too are then committing an offence. Also by greasing we are making public servant corrupt- Arent you then part of the problem?

Me: What role has your IIT education played in your values?

M. K Tyagi: Competing and excelling at the National level gave me a lot of confidence

Me: If you meet Manmohan Singh for two hours, what will you ask him?

M. K Tyagi: In line with my email dated 19-07-2010 to the Prime Minister I asked him: Why did he not act against corruption to prove Winston Churchill wrong when on the eve of India's independence, Mr Churchill said: 

..........Power will go to the hands of rascals, rogues and freebooters. All Indian leaders will be of low caliber and men of straw. They will have sweet tongues and silly hearts. They will fight among themselves for power and India will be lost in political squabbles........

Me: Some quick facts about you:

One thing about yourself you would like to change?

M. K Tyagi: My Physique

One trait of your  personality you are proud of?

M. K Tyagi: My Integrity

You relax by.......

M. K Tyagi: I meditate. Listening to Arnab Goswami also relaxes me!

For you your family is. ....

M. K Tyagi: My Strength

You will never. ......

M. K Tyagi: Violate teachings of the Bhagwad Gita

I feel empowered that there is someone I know who can actually bring a change. It is not about promoting my family, it is about believing that mere rhetoric is not enough. Lets stand together- vote for the right people- believe in the system rather than just criticizing it- Lets just make this happen guys!