"Miss Mistake"- Thats Me!

It is absolutely true that we can only learn from our mistakes if we admit that we made them. I confess in this post of 5 silly mistakes I committed and even though they aren't really of a stature that should attract capital punishment, still in a way they took some special moments away from my life and thus if I got a chance to go back and correct them, I would definitely do so!

1. Clicking pictures for Facebook- How many holidays, how many birthdays, how many outings with friends, how many moments at home with kids- I panicked when the camera was pointed on me! Why? Because the minute I heard a click on the camera, I would run to see if the picture is "fit" to be uploaded on Facebook. Really, extremely stupid of me! A couple of months back, without any prompting from any wise soul (read Saurabh), I myself stopped uploading any pictures that we clicked on our holidays or occasions. Does that mean we have any less fun when we make those trips? NO! In fact life is more fun now :)
2. Bothered about why people spoke behind my back- OK this is something that bothered me till about 2 weeks ago. Not because I did not know the reasons behind the content of those discussions. An incident made me realize that even when I didnt do anything, people wanted to know why I wasnt DOING anything!!! Now that made me feel like a cheaper version of Poonam Pandey as I needed to continuously feed into some minds' gossip ratings! But then I read this somewhere and it took me two, literally TWO seconds to change my life- I dont care about people talking behind my back. There is a reason they are behind me :)
3. Justified to people why I decided to be at home after my kids- To cut a long story short, I now know that Ill BE a mother and I will NOT BE guilty!
4. Thought too much about the calorie count of even the air that entered my mouth- Now this is justified! Imagine yourself to be 80 kgs and then blame me for worrying about calories. I wont lie by saying that I dont care about becoming 80 kilos again but yes there was a time when I measured the food I ate (in terms of the calories) and recorded it in an excel sheet! Saurabh and I fell in love for our common passion for good Food, Films and Holidays- How the hell can I deprive my best friend from enjoying good food with me :)
5. Crap consumption on TV- Remember Tara? Remember Banegi Apni Baat? Remember Kyunki Saas...? Remember Kasauti Zindgi Ki (which later even became Kasauti Zindagi Kay!)? I have seen each and every episode of this kachra! Kachra? Yes its a relative term but today when I have given up on the consumption of Hindi TV soaps, I see nothing vital missing from my life!

The "waiting" of Love will find a way....

Whats in a name you ask?
Someone answered already!
There is so much in one name for me
Let me answer it here ji

The name of importance here is Indirom
the publishers of my 1st Novel

the novel I publicized in ways
just short of what is called grovel!

Each one on my friend's list
every friend, every peer
"Download kiya?Arre karo!"
was all that I could hear

Some managed, some waited
Some complained, some cheered
But within days of standing up on its feet
The site, with bugs was smeared

I held my strength

I made some explanations

what could I really say....

When I was myself fighting patience?

Now, I have a mail in my inbox

which tells me the way ahead

for the baby I nurtured

with soul, heart and this head

So here I am, assuring you
my Publishers are sound and able
Infact they will be back-bigger and better
Can you all wait till April?

And the award goes to......those who speak from the heart :)

When Saurabh was not in my life- watching award functions on every channel was not such an issue. With him being so critical and doubtful of their sheer accountability, I stopped watching them at all- for many years now. And its a fact that when you know you CANNOT do something, you start justifying it by yourself assuming negative sides of that particular thing. Hence all the naach gaana and camera capturing awkward celebrity moments, started to get onto my nerves.

This year was no different-until last evening. While watching "something relevant" from Saurabh's standard I caught Hrithik's dance moves which were to be aired on the Filmfare awards. His dream dance moves transported me to the year 2000 when after Kaho na pyar hai, I went to one of his concerts at the JLN stadium in Delhi, and almost lost my vocal chords to a 3 hour non stop shouting!

Anyways so I asked- or rather-ordered that he will "allow" me to watch this particular show! Sometimes the regular equations in our house DO change and I am ALLOWED to do things my way! Last evening was one such evening and there I was, having to sit through the entire show as Hrithik only performed towards the end. This compulsion however made me remember the reason I loved these telecasts. No- Not for the clothes actresses wear, or the jokes hosts crack. Not for any feelings when my favorite movie of the year won, niether for apparent controversies that are placed to improve TRPs.

They may be rigged. They may be scripted or even sold. But there are some genuine winners- arent there? and when those winners say what they say while they hold the award in their hands- is what I watch these awards for! I was up at odd hours in the morning when A R Rahman won the oscar for Slumdog Millionaire. The speech he made- gravely disappointed me ( Remember his :"Mere pass ma Hai" ?). Last night, what some winners spoke- truly touched my heart and emotional fools like me cannot help a faint tear rolling down their cheeks when genuineness takes over the farce! 

When Sujoy said that it took hundred years of Indian cinema to get him this- I felt victorious.

When a guy said that today he will go back to his elder sister and explain why he stole her money to watch movies- I felt nostalgic.

When Richa Chaddha said she was thankful for the industry's warmth in accepting outsiders- I felt hopeful.

When Anurag said that these awards allow filmmakers like him to make different cinema- I felt proud.

When Irrfan  dedicated his award to Paan Singh's family- I felt gratitude.

When Annu Kapoor spoke what he spoke with a tinge of a lump in his throat- I felt vindicated.

When Ranbir gave a silent speech- I felt awe for his creativity.

Oh yes there are many each year who DO NOT deserve to receive any award and speak- but an year when there have been some real winners- I must say- When you deserve recognition for work you invested a lot of hard work and belief in, the words do come out from the heart and they DO impact people who understand the worth of  creativity......your creativity :)

Making of -"Love will find a way"

Before any blockbuster (or even a dud film) comes out, comes the "making of it"- All the behind the scenes action that add to the overall excitement of that film. Now I am not saying my first book will compete in the 100 crore club but for me it is as precious as Viraj- My first baby :)

I will not be able to account for a day by day "making" of this book but there are some incidents behind it which are worth capturing!

The manuscript

1. There are only 3 people who have read this book before its release. My younger brother cum best friend- Rahul-who read it in the 1st two hours of me sending it to him. In fact even when I had not completed it, he would message me thrice a day to check if I was ONLY writing and not sleeping! My father, had to convince himself a lot before reading a work of fiction. He did so purely because he loves me and no other reason in this world! The last but certainly NOT the least (simply because of the effort Rahul, Papa and I put on him to sit down and read it) is my Husband- Saurabh! First he took out the print of the whole manuscript (3 days). Then he filed it in a neat folder (2 days). Then he kept it on his bedside (5 days). Then he planned a holiday to Kasauli only because he wanted to read in a serene, hill station kind of scenario (4 days). Then he tucked it in a handbag and assured me and Rahul that he will read it in Shatabdi express (6 hours). He read all the newspapers but did not open the folder as his head apparently spins when he reads in motion! We reach Kasauli, spend 3 days on the hills but Saurabh did not/could not begin reading it! We come back home, Shatabdi again, and he.........yes you guessed right- didnt read it. Then one Sunday evening, when the accusations and doubts probably weighed heavy on him, he set up a reading friendly atmosphere on our balcony- and READ!! He finished in two hours flat. Why? "I just could not keep it down!"
2. One night the filed manuscript was lying on our Dining table just before dinner. My Mom In law picked up the file, turned some pages and said- "What is this?". Saurabh told her its the book her Daughter In law has written. Love what she said after that- "You wrote it? Every page of this? Each and every word?? I thought you guys were kidding about this book thing!"....No Ma, luckily we were not!
3. On some days, I used to get so engrossed while writing, like maybe when I was stuck with some character or a chapter, that my sons just would not understand why Mamma is not getting up from her desk. When they probed I told them- "Ma is writing a book. She needs some time from you guys". They complied but looked worried- "We will have to read it too?". Oh babies- You will...but not now :)
4. My Mother is the silent support behind all this furor. She knows the premise of the story and that is enough for her. Whoever she has met after I got down to write it, she has told- "Parul ab kitaab likh rahi hai". Its this faith that has kept me going Mamma!
5. A cousin of mine always knew I had a thing for writing. When I started blogging, he encouraged every time I posted an entry. When I told him I might get published- he started calling me- "Kalam Waali Bai". Dimple Kapadia was called by this silly name by Nana Patekar in some shady Bollywood flick! More so he introduces me to his friends also with this name!!
6. One of my father's best friends has already taken my "Autograph" on a tissue paper! He says the day I will give my "first official one", he will claim his supremacy :)
7. My extended family and some close friends have been hounding the 3 people who have read this book for "sneak previews". Rahul says he will have to stop meeting people as he has run out of excuses to evade the questions!

There are so many other moments that have helped me shape this story. It has come out of my heart and not the mind. Like I said, its like my first baby- more may come after this but the innocence and excitement that I have put in this one, cannot be replicated :)

Oh and you can download my novella here : http://www.indireads.com/books/love-will-find-a-way/

Me and Y- a unique equation....

We are not a family that has a habit of keeping house helps. As in, neither at my parent's house nor at Saurabh's has there ever been a help which is full time and lasted generations! You know those typical Ramu Kakas that we see in Hindi movies or that guy in Hum Aapke Hain Kaun who even played passing the parcel with the entire family. After my 2 kids, I insisted on having a full time help and we got into an arrangement of 11 months term with a placement agency that provides full time house helps. For the 1st 2 terms, girls came, completed their designated 11 months and left. But the one girl that I have with me currently, stayed on for the 2nd term. Trust me IT IS a big deal! These girls, you can say, are trained to never continue in the same house. But as luck could have it, she had a fight with her Father(over my STD call) the very day she was to leave, and hence requested us to extend her stay.

"Requested??" I mean really??? Her words: "Mujhe yahan se nahi jaana"- still echo in my ears! I cried with happiness when I heard it. Saurabh and I even went out for a dinner to celebrate it.  After all I would not have to train a fresh one. Moreover, the "waiting period" for another girl is anywhere between 2 weeks to 3 months! This one has been here and done everything I desired and was almost in an Auto pilot mode. Amidst all this excitement, I chose to ignore the faint but firm warning of my experienced Mom In Law that - "Longer these girls stay at your place, tougher they become to handle!". I answered her apprehensions saying: "A known devil is better than an unknown one Ma."

But is it? Lets see!

Last night when Mamma joined me for dinner, she asked after 5 minutes, why I was so quiet (Saurabh was away for dinner with friends). I tried to dodge her observations but how much can I hide from a Mother! Before I could come out with details, she figured- "You fought with Y?". Now Y is that girl who stays at our place full time and helps me with mundane chores. I was so embarrassed to answer this question in affirmative! I mean who the hell fights with a maid and gets upset. Have a better life Parul! Fight with your Mom in Law or your husband if you want to justify a sulk. But with Y!! Why???

Clearly because my lack of experience in managing house helps makes her intimidate me. What else explains the fact that if she does anything wrong like break crockery or do exactly opposite of what I am asking her to do, and I slightly raise my voice- She stops talking with me!! Even worse- if I lose my cool like real bad and scold her for more than 23 seconds, she will not eat food! Where does that leave me? It leaves me in a state where I end up saying sorry to her 50 times.

What life is this that when I have absolute cordial relations with my Mom in Law, my kids are better disciplined than most I see around me, my husband acts even before I speak- I still remain subservient to the nakhras of Y because I need her more than she needs me!! Hats off to Bollywood and Hindi Soaps families who have one such person in their house who is more like a family member rather than a one in my case where if you observe us closely, you may think she pays me to keep her in MY house!!

{{Okay while I was typing this, she made a "small" hole in a cushion cover while ironing it. Oh c'mom Y, thats perfectly fine. Ill buy another cover- You dont go!}}

Love: Perfect. World: Imperfect- My entry for the Get Published Contest

The Idea Description:

Is there a yardstick which can measure the extent of one’s love? Is there a frame in which one needs to fit perfectly in order to justify one’s love? However philosophical you might want to be in answering these questions, one thing is clear-There is none. While no love is perfect, the fact is, that it is the imperfection that brings out the real impact of love.  What the world might consider a mismatch can be the very foundation of why two people got attracted to each other. What the world thought was mindless might be the whole premise of why they will never let each other go. What the world thinks “they didn't see” may actually be something that “never existed between them”. This story will take you through the lives of 2 people who rose above the rigidity of how ideal couples should be and at the same time make you rethink your own eccentrics of how you viewed love. And if you are thinking that religion is the barrier in this one, you have just made your first mistake.

Sherry is a pampered sikhni. There have been no rules that have not been bent while raising her. But she is not a victim of this pampering. She infact stands out as an example of how daughters who are immensely loved can also turn out to be real charmers who have their heads firmly on their shoulders and mind absolutely in place with sanity. What else explains a tough, tall, beautiful and chatty Sikhni, to be so brainy that she could sit for the toughest examination of her country? In her proud father, Colonel Sukhdev Singh’s, words: “Sherry probably possessed the combined brains of our 5 generations”. This Colonel’s daughter may have defied the clichés of being brought up in a secured, lavish background yet having a mind and career of her own, but will she be able to break the walls that are built in the heads of those she must seek permission for her happiness?

Abhay is the ideal son. He was raised to become an IAS officer and so he became. It is after all not unusual for a kayastha family to not expect their children to stay as far as possible from the ideas of doing a business or running a shop. The children of a typical kayastha household are made best friends with everything to do with nurturing the dreams of a service class. When Abhay, the son of two bank employees, cracks the civil service exam in the very 1^st attempt, the whole world is at his parent’s feet but did they know that while they realised the dream of seeing their son in a high stature service, there will be an uncomfortable compromise they will make to keep him happy?

Excerpt:

“Life sometimes is a total.....you know what!” said Sherry

“No ! Your life was not! Yes maybe because it was not you decided to make it...I know what!”, shouted Gayatri.

“I had no idea you would not understand Gattu” Sherry moved closer.

Gattu shrugged her shoulders and moved away. It was clear to Sherry that if Gattu reacted this way, the task of making her parents go through all this would only be uphill. Gattu sensed that Sherry was finally thinking. She was happy inside that maybe her resistance had rubbed off and Sherry would not pursue her senseless admission.

“I ll deal with you later. I have to strategise my next move”, finished Sherry while moving out of her best friend’s room. Gayatri stood defeated. 

This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs fromYashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India.

Shaadi karaana nahi hai aasan...ek aag ka dariya hai aur doob kar jaana hai!!

Family weddings are good opportunities to sit back and observe. Especially when you are not directly in command of the proceedings, you can be a quiet spectator who is part of the madness but still neither responsible nor accountable for it! Without doubt, hosting a wedding is one of the toughest jobs that we do in our lives. After all it involves interacting with your entire family at one place at the same time! Its easier to pick up the phone and wish them birthdays and Happy New year once a year but its a different ball game when you have cordially invited them and have to manage their kind presence. Having attended one very recently, I sat down to jot down the typicalities that I have noticed in every wedding! Have you noticed that.....

1. There is always that one relative that you are warned about. You can forget anything (maybe even booking the Ghodiwaala or the halwai) but not forget how to best manage that member's mood swings.
2. There is always one member who has a small baby with him or her. That baby on most occasions is the center point of the whole family's attention as it is "too small" to attend a wedding!!
3. The host family members are supposed to have answers for EVERYTHING! Its nothing that they are allowed to - NOT know! So if a family member wants to know whether the Dum Aloo being served has garlic in it or not, they will directly approach the closest person to the groom or bride. If that person uses the line: "Uhhh...Hmmmm.... I dont know....", thats blasphemy!
4. Each and every attendee, at one point or another, will definitely ask the groom or bride: "Aur bhai ABCD, kaisa lag raha hai?". I wonder what is the right answer to this? Actually no one even wants to know. Its just customary to ask!!
5. At least one family member will surely fall ill. Some medical condition ought to arise which will have to be addressed and will be remembered and discussed at the next wedding.
6. The "next in line" suitable boy or girl to get married will invariably be the butt of all jokes. From haldi to mehndi, everyone will corner the immediate family of that poor bachelor or bachelorette as to when they are inviting them next!
7. Safety pins, hair pins, winter clothing and face washes are items that top the list when it comes to "sharing". Its best to never carry these of your own. There are some people in your family who will always carry them in abundance.
8. There is always this one family who is very focussed on capturing each and every moment of themselves in the camera. You will always spot them religiously doing this job as soon as the function begins. Their cameras are hung around their neck and they only capture the closest circle of their family. You are never welcomed or expected to spoil those pictures. For you there is the hired photographer!
9. There is an upcoming breed of your cousins who are updating each and every moment of the myriad functions constantly on Facebook. This is useful for the family members who didn't care or could not manage to attend the wedding and they comment on these updates saying: "Missing on all the action guys. Have fun!". So to rub it in, the Facebook updater will be encouraged to update more!
10. At the last function of the entire week's fanfare, you can clearly see in the eyes and mannerism of the hosts that the next time you are in their position- they are ready to avenge all that you made them go through :)