The 5 kind of people I am jealous of

In my "I am Human' series, today I talk about the kind of people I am extremely jealous of. There is no sarcasm here as I am truly jealous of these people because I can never be like them and they do seem to be having fun while they are being who they are.

If you are one or two or all of them, always remember, someone, somewhere is extremely envious of your awesomeness!




1) Morning people: My perennial fight in life is to wake up in the mornings. I hate the compulsory ritual of getting out of bed- every day, every single day. And there are people who are longing to wake up early, eat early, bathe early, start their day early and what not! As I am someone, rolling in the bed, hiding my face from the morning sun (because my early riser husband pulls apart the curtains in a hope that I will realize the 'beauty' of waking up at an insane hour!), wondering- why cant Mornings start around Noon?




2) Exercising people: So I did maintain a strict Yoga regime for a year but then it all faded away like those umpteen gym subscriptions. Partly the reason was Delhi winters as our instructor insists Yoga must be done in an open space (for all the oxygen we could suck in before office goers take out their cars to pollute the world). Now, every morning while sipping coffee in my balcony, when I see my Yoga mates still going on strong, I am jealous. You go girls as my blanket beckons its owner.








3) Reading people: I read a lot.  But then I don't think I read enough (all us readers feel the same I guess as there is nothing like- too many books). But trust me, I am extremely jealous of people who have read more books than I have. Nothing impresses me more than a well read person and I try sincerely to always be in the middle of an awesome book, at all points in my life.







4) Thin people: Especially those ones who eat more food everyday than I can eat in a week and still remain thin! I am married to someone who belongs to the category of 'these people' and trust me, I am facing real difficulties coping up with: "Saurabh is getting younger by the day?" Its not HIM. Its me who is naturally growing old and because his genes do not let him gain any weight, he looks shrunken in my company.

5) 'I have all the time in the world' people: Time to sulk, time to pray, time to click pictures, time to try a new dish in the kitchen, time to climb the Everest, time to gossip, time to shop, time to even shop online, time to watch movies, time to crib, time to do check-ins on Facebook- I seriously have lots of people around me who seem to have way too much time on their hands. I sadly have only 24 hours in a day and because of my ill luck, they too magically get over in 10 I think. How do some people pack so much in one day?

5 lies I tell my children

I am a human being and lying is my defense mechanism at times. Just like it is for all you people. Yes I am a Mum too and teach my kids to never lie to me but c'mom- we all lie to our kids. It could be something as simple as Santa Claus exists to as complex as them getting a long nose if they lied.

Following are my lies to  V and N and I am recording them here so when they read this later on, they can say- MOM! You too??

1) That I love them. Like every single minute of the day

No, I do not. There are moments when I cant stand their sight! 'Hate' is a strong word but yes I definitely do not enjoy being a Mum at times. Like when they have created some trouble at school or when they used to get vaccine shots. The truth is that I even forget them sometimes. There have been days when I got so involved in a call or my mails that I forgot its time to rush to their Bus Stop to fetch them (God is great! I have always either made it in time or just in time)

2) That I regret not eating raw onions.

If you don't know me you should know that I have a weird habit- I cannot eat raw onions- like in salads or vegetables. Basically if I can see onion pieces, I wont eat that stuff. As V and N grew up to understand this silly fetish, many conversations around our Dining Table were around this- 'Papa why dont you force Ma to eat onions when you force us to eat beetroot!' Saurabh, while applying the- we will not contradict each other in front of kids- rule stays quiet but I lie to them every single time: "I regret not eating it, kids. Its my biggest regret. It has made my life so tough. Don't want you to have any regrets in life.'

Truth: I am okay not eating them! Like totally okay!

3) That we are poor!

I actually have to tell them this a lot of times. Like they definitely know that Ambani is the richest guy in India and our neighbors, who have three cars, are somewhere between us and Ambani. We have to tell them that there are a lot of things we cannot afford (even when we can) to teach them value of money. But then I myself grew up thinking that my parents were poorer than all my friends' parents!

4) That we sleep right after they sleep!

Of course we don't. At least I DO NOT. So we do switch off the TV and sometimes even the lights in our room (just so they retire) but when they have slept (which is within seconds) I sneak out for some TV time or Saurabh and I eat Ice Cream on the bed!

5) That we never fought with our siblings!

My most used words to my kids are: "STOP Fighting you guys! Why cant you love each other like I loved Mama??" 

Truth:We fought as much, if not more. Rahul (my brother) has given me a lot of choke slams. I have pulled his hair several times. Saurabh too has beaten Surbhi Di (my sister in law) on many occasions and I am sure she has fought back too. Basically, just to pacify them whenever I say this lie, all my fights come flashing to my mind. I also know that the first person who will make V and N read all these lies is- RAHUL- how can a true blue sibling ever let a revenge taking opportunity pass?

That ONE thing I am going to teach my kids as a parent

There are lots of articles and opinions on that ONE thing that every parent should teach their child as part of good parenting. But is there that one quality which will make our children the best human beings? Is there a magic potion which can turn everything around them nice and bearable? Is there that one gift or that one lesson which you can hand over to your children so your duty towards their upbringing is complete?

As parents, Saurabh and I are constantly evolving to teach V and N newer and better things which equips them for life. There are times we want them to be honest and at other times we want them to be brave. Some times we teach them not to hate anything and at other, we want them to love themselves. But till a few days back, at least I was clueless if there is one personality trait which could make them the best boys ever and which I could engrave in them so they can get by life as people who others love, only love.

I am glad that I have cracked it and I thought I should share because if some other parents agree with me, we can actually achieve our dream of a nicer world for our children.

So I recently got back from a trip to Vaishno Devi. Due to some strange cosmic conspiracy my every trip to the shrine is laden with a lot of stories. Even though we opted for the chopper service (to cut short the trip and have maximum amount of convenience) there were some developments courtesy IRCTC- because like fools we trusted the current Railway Minister's tall Twitter claims and took a direct train to Katra- that left us troubled. On the onward journey we were left without food and in the inward, the train was delayed by six hours and had no water in washrooms, basins and you can only imagine the kind of filth that was accumulating around us. Why just inside? Train journeys give you the best reality check about the apathetic conditions that your countrymen are living in when you peep outside. Their living conditions assure you that India can never ever become a first world country because some of our own people are living in literal shit holes.

I do not want to get into the 'bads' of the trip because at some point of time you have all experienced this. What truly was the highlight of the trip was that one awakening I got which I think has helped me as a mother of two kids- I finally found that one trait which I should pass on to my children.

There are three incidents which cemented my belief in this trait:

1) A fellow passenger on our Delhi-Katra train who went out of his way to ensure we reached Katra on time (as the train was indefinitely late and we got off at Jammu because he was a local and extended help). He not only got us a cab, he stood there, seeing us off and stayed in touch ensuring we had reached fine and if we needed anything on our way back.

2) My Dad assuring the porters we met at the Helipad, who told him how demonetization was affecting their earnings and took their services (paying them extra) even when we didn't really need them.

3) The appalling state of people who live in slums around Railway tracks and the cringing feeling to do something about them as they need the attention of their fellow citizens because governments have definitely failed them.

What is that one thing that binds the above three incidents? It is Kindness. I have resolved to make V and N kind before they become anything else. They can get low scores in their exams, they can fail in sports, they can be fussy eaters and they can totally make some mistakes but I believe that if they are kind, everything will eventually be fine. When they are around, people should feel comfortable. All their actions should touch lives. They should have a kind heart that is sensitive about wrongs around them and urges them to do something about it. People should trust them for their thoughtfulness and know that they ll make everything alright.

How to do it? Lead by example. We need to, as parents, set examples around them so they value how our kindness changed someone's life. We should share with them how someone else's kind gesture made a difference to our lives. We need to tell them that sometimes they will have to think about others before them. We need to assure them that if everyone becomes kind hearted, the troubles of this world will be lesser. 

I am on it, you should start too :)

A letter of empathy for men on Karwa-What?

All you married men,

How are you feeling right now? Guilty, scared, obliged or worried? Why have I mentioned all these seemingly negative words? Because while your woman will cope with hunger, you will be dealing with them as well as their hunger :)

Don't you always get confused as to what is the right thing to say to them at this time, when they are at their volatile best? No matter what you say, the conversation always leads to a point where you look like the guy who FORCED your wives to fast. As if it is not their will but a task! 

Depending on the time of the day, aren't these the typical conversations? 

You could say- What's Karwachauth got to do with our love? No need to fast at all.

She will say- I want to do it. I am going to do it. You just do not understand the meaning of these traditions. That's why men don't ever fast for their wives right?

You could say- Please don't kill yourself babe. Eat fruits or take tea.

She will say- I am fasting here and you don't even want me to do it properly. You just do not care about my feelings for you.

You could say- Good stuff girl. You are doing a good job. You look quite strong.

She will say- See! You cannot even see how weak I am right now without water and you think I am absolutely okay about it.

You could say- Let me make it better for you. We will go for Italian after you see the moon.

She will say- The moon will come late. Very late. And then i will be so hungry that I could eat leaves too. Why do you always want to eat out on those days when I am not up for it!

You could say- You want me to fast with you?

She will say- Oh, No No. Chill. I know you love me. (But in her heart she is envious of all the friends whose husbands are fasting)

You could then say- You are not like other women who blackmail their husbands to stay hungry too.

She will say- Its called love. Not blackmailing!

Basically, tomorrow is YOUR day but not YOUR day!

I feel for you because I am someone's wife too and I am all set to exercise my Nagging Rights in full swing.

Lots of patience to you,

Saurabh's better half (I insist!)

Making a big deal of parenting. But why?

Michelle Obama won a lot of hearts yesterday. She was all over Facebook and Twitter with her speech which she is quite known for delivering impact-fully. I could hear only a portion of it and what stuck to me was:

When they go low, we go high.

In the context of parenting, there was no better way of putting my thoughts into words- the thoughts that were bothering me for a few days now. As V and N are growing up, the challenges of raising them the way we wish to, are becoming more and more complex. They are obedient boys, attentive listeners, quick learners and so broadly our lives are sorted. Combine this with the fact that I tweak my work schedule around them, hence largely we end up spending a lot of quality time with them, abreast with every big and small thing that may be affecting them. But these times are difficult. These times are those of Whatsapp where even before they come back from school, the mothers of their school friends are discussing the next class test or upcoming special assembly with me on the phone.

As a policy, I keep the class groups on Whatsapp on mute as I trust my sons to tell me what happened in school rather than hearing it from fellow moms. However, unless I start living in a sound proof chamber, there  is no way I can avoid the trickles of competition seep into mine or my kids' lives. Why just them? Aren't we all adults competing mindlessly too? Those of us who have not watched Game Of Thrones are outcasts in the society. If we do not know what is 'Pokemon Go', we are dumb f$%&s who should probably lock ourselves up in our house and hope to rot.

In such a world, what Michelle said had perfect resonance to how I behave with V and N. When I do not watch GOT or play Pokemon just because my peers will judge me, I strictly should keep my sons away from all the myriad things that other kids are doing- just because they ought to! 

Instead of bothering kids with staying at par with others, it is much wiser to let them be. Just let them be. So when the world around them goes low by putting them down because they cannot do A, B or C, be the backbone which makes them say- "I trust myself. I will be fine" :)

4 things V and N will do this HOLI

I have been named the 'worst mother of the lane' in a poll conducted by my sons' friends- some 12 boys ( including V and N) who are Cricket/Soccer buddies throughout the year but enemies during Holi time! For the past one week, I am the only one howling on top of my voice to teach these boys how to play a safer and more fun a Holi. My lectures have borne some good fruits as these kids do not target salesmen, vegetable vendors, old people, dogs among other in the 'list' that I have strictly warned them against. 

Every evening when V and N came complaining to me that why was theirs the only Mum who would stand outside and monitor how Holi is being 'enjoyed' in the neighborhood, I would think hard if I was doing anything wrong? Not till I saw the 7 sec clip that came on their school's Whatsapp group- a 13 year old falling off the first floor balcony because he wanted to throw the water balloon as far as he could. Those kids were also indulging in a gang war of sorts- like all kids do I think but every year the gadgets that they can use see an upgrade- thanks to Chinese supplying them tools where they can fill and knot balloons on their own (means they don't need parents like we did) or colors which are called Gulal but just never come off and itch the eyes a great deal.

Anyway, I sat down my boys last evening as they returned home bruised and hurt. While running away from balloons, younger one fell on a parked bicycle and older one got hit in the face with a taller guys pichkaari (you have to see the size of this sprinkler to believe it. Its taller than Burj Khalifa)

I have told them how they can help me have a good festival by doing the following 4 things and I hope all our children understand the true meaning of this fun festival. It sort of worked on mine- hope it does for you too.

This is what my note reads to them:

1) H- Have Fun- Yes. I am not a bad Mum. I have been your age and I have played several Holis with friends. I have some very good memories and I insist that you have them too. Have fun, no doubt but fun will be fun only when everyone is safe. Fun will be fun when you are enjoying with your friends and not having a war with them. Fun is fun when you have not harmed yourself and can still play Cricket after Holi is over.

2) O- Observe- See how your Papa plays Holi. He takes care that he is not aggressive- both in behavior and language. He never forces anyone to play with him. Also observe all the rowdies around you. If they are playing using water from the drain or by throwing eggs inside the houses- That's not Holi. Because its not fun- its stupidity. Being stupid is not fun. Being fun is fun. Observe your elders and observe who is bad. Take care of yourself by doing this.

3) L- Let others have fun- You cannot harm anyone permanently. You cannot stay silent if someone else is running on the road dangerously. You cannot throw a balloon on someone who doesn't want  to play holi with you. Respect everyone. If they ask you to 'please don't dirty me with this color'- show respect boys and just wish them a Happy Holi. If something makes you happy but others unhappy- its not the true spirit of Holi.

4) I- Initiate: After reading all this you will argue- 'Its Holi Ma. We cant have rules'. You can because you must. If no one else agrees to be safe and respectful, both of you take initiative. Be nice boys. People will follow. Even if they don't, you keep being nice. 

Dear Men, I Demand Reservation too.

I woke up today to my three boys singing in unison: Happy Woman's Day To Youuuuu!!

Understandable. I am the woman that binds them three and if they will not wish me first thing on such an 'important' day, their lunch/dinner may suffer. Also, all four of us knew in our hearts that today was a day after many many days, when neither of us woke up ill.

Thanks to the Reservation agitation by our beloved Jat friends and their ire on the canal that supplies clean water in my tap, the boys got severe stomach infection due to all the impurities we had been consuming. As I was tending to one son and their father, my older son was ensuring my peace of mind is not restored by falling twice and getting bruises all over his body.

So basically, today as I surveyed the heads and injuries of my three dependents, I allowed them school and office- result of which was the Woman's Day singing wish :)

As they all got away to their respective work places, I sat down reading the incessant wishes on my Whatsapp and Facebook timeline. As usual, they meant nothing to me as the concept of celebrating one day in the name of us woman and humiliating us for all the rest- nah, I am not too convinced.

Did you just think that by using 'humiliating' I went a little overboard? No ways. Papers are filled with crap against this gender and I am not wasting any more of your time mulling over it. 

Instead, I am going to be selfish and demand something today. If you really mean all the messages you forwarded to all the women in your life- try and ensure this demand gets fulfilled.

Taking inspiration from my Jat brothers, I demand Reservation too. Reservation for mothers. Mothers who are never anything else once they are, well, mothers. When I became one, this world made me make some very difficult choices. But they were my choices and I want no compensation for them. Though I can do with some Reservation in the minds of all those people who think- My life is easy. 

So give me a 5% reservation in your life. Respect the choices I made. I made them all because of my children and trust me, if a mother doesn't make those choices- it will be tough to run a society. This mother could be your wife, sister, friend or your own mother but look around and find that one woman who doesn't seem like the old one you knew. Consider the changes in her life after her children. Help her with her choices. Make life easier for her by giving her this Reservation. 

Because in our country, all those burning cities for reservation are doing so because they were born a certain way. I was not born a mother. I chose to become one, And it did alter my entire life. I have the supreme power to raise a good or a bad child. I thus have an effect on everyone's collective future! Find the women around you who are going through their lives as mothers. Ask them if they need something to simplify things around them. That will make her day.

The nest I built, the one you will outgrow...

Was never the children loving type,
but changed that, you two
Fell from the skies, into my hearts,
Filled me up, through and through.

We learnt together, as we moved ahead.
I discovered self as I built you.
No work, no promotion, no salary,
Nothing stood in front of you.

I heard them saying,
I was giving it up too easy.
I never cared to explain,
That, hey! you never asked me to!

As you stood firm, on ground with teeth,
We wondered who was the child amongst us three.
The endless afternoons of chatter and play,
My Babies, I owe plenty and more to you.

Every joy, your every meal
Every word you have ever
learnt
Every smile or tear you have given,
I have it stored, I breathe through them.

Your sleep, your school, your friends, your opinions.
They are yours now, I have taught you all.
But don't we know, each time you fall,
I will be smiling back at you.

I am not empty as you grow taller than me,
Because I never 'gave up' anything for you,
I chose to spend those moments together,
as memories I wished to build, my life had just that view.

I know you will need me lesser and lesser,
I know you will talk sparingly.
But I know the foundation in your heart is mine,
It says- Ma, Thanks for the childhood, that had you.

We are growing old. Just not accepting it.

Being called Aunties and Uncles is passe. Sooner or later, we come to terms to the fact that if we are walking around with our 8 or 6 year olds in company, we are inviting this. What I actually mean by 'experiencing old age' is much deeper and more closer to the places in my mind and heart which I assumed did not exist or thought existed only in our parents. Read up the things which are signs which make me feel 'old' and tell me if you are on your way too!

1) Aversion to noise: I have been a very dramatic and giggly one all my life. I am like that person whose presence in the house cannot be missed because either I will be expressing myself loudly or laughing out loud-when someone is expressing themselves. Often, this annoying habit of mine was a cause of my Grandmom's wrath. She would ask why I couldn't keep my cheer 'less noisy.' I wondered how can someone's laughter be noisy! Now, as I am gaining candles on my birthday cake, I have started feeling her. Youngsters cracking up on a joke in the Metro truly irk me. A lounge that plays music loud enough that I cannot hear my own heartbeat, makes me leave the place. Loud TV instantly triggers my 'shut the $#%& up' mode. Truly I am soon going to become that one in the house who will request others to- 'please keep it low' :/

2) Hair (The white ones and the falling ones): I know some of us have had white hair ever since they filled up Class 10th admit cards but hey- I never had them! I have two now and they will surely turn all the rest in their color. Every time we are going out, I spend 24.5 seconds on hiding them underneath their black brothers but they pop out like antennae, saying to me- 'you can hide us but don't fight us.'

3) Fights: Saurabh and I have stopped fighting. Not to set any precedents in front of our growing children but just because we are so bored of the whole process of first stressing on our own points, then 'trying' to understand the other's view, then sulking for three days, then reconciling because a movie has released and we obviously cannot go alone for it, then patching up and waiting for the next fight. Now what we do is this: "You disagree? Arre kyun yaar..." and we do as the other one wants. If this is not indicating old age, what is? We are clearly opting for peace over war and good times over bad ones.

4) Colors: If you think I will say that I have started liking pastels over neons- you are wrong. It is the opposite. Now when I go to a shop and the guy says- "Ma'am aajkal to ye chal raha hai"- I buy. I know the color is bloody bright but "agar aajkal jo chal raha hai wo nahi pehna to aaj kal ke nahi lagenge na!"

5) Food: Not yet on boiled vegetables and soups-only for dinner but yes I now know that if I have eaten ABC last night, XYZ will happen. This wisdom has made me choosy because while earlier I could rest five days over ill health, as I grow old, nobody can afford that I stay out of action for more than nine seconds.

6) Family and Friends: I think I now know fully who are my friends. Also identified people in the family who I like and who dont like me. I intend to kill the rest of my time nurturing these relationships rather than calling a new person every friday night and asking: "Wazzaa this weekend???"

Anecdote:

1) and ONLY: My children- I am unlike the cliches of how an ideal Mum should behave. For instance, I stop them sometimes from eating dal roti and order Pizzas (when Saurabh is eating out or travelling), I dance crazy when a good song is running on TV, I am abreast with all the sporting events they (and the nation) are following and thus when when I sometimes complain of a back pain or too much stress, they look glum. They cannot believe it! Because, somewhere, they don't want to :) 

It is for V and N that I cannot take ageing seriously. Growing old is not in my hands but growing up is :)

Why I love Pakistan. And why you should love India.

Firstly, there are no good excuses to ignore this blog for so long. I know I should not have and I am guilty as charged. You see, life does get a little 'all over the place' when kids are in the age as mine. Their schools and activities keep me on my toes and thus these fingers never got to the blog. 

Today, however, a post on my Facebook wall compelled me to write. I write this on behalf of every person who has never indulged in spreading hatred. This hatred is between countries and it's people. A few months back I had written a Blog Post on how fascinated I was because my Friend's List had some people from Pakistan in it. I always wanted to know about their lives, food, attire as it is deeply ingrained me that till a few decades back, we were indeed one. 

But today, I am deeply pained because of someone's existence in my friend's list from there. He posts at least, AT LEAST three posts a day saying something rotten about India. For him, Indian men are losers, Indian politicians are losers, Indian cricket team players are losers, Indian law makers are losers, Pakistani who say good things about us are losers, Indians are Losers. Initially I did go through the links or videos he posted while making such comments and once or twice even commented on his status messages explaining that not everything in India is as bad as he is assuming them to be. Tried to reason out that this hate will not take either of us anywhere but then with time I realized the futility of it as I saw him asking people who 'argued' with him to un-friend him. I did not , as I think I wanted him to bring me to this point where I can vent out- my love towards where he lives rather than hating him for what he is.

Isn't it a fact that things in India are actually much better than they are in his country. Still, I refrained from making that point and kept wondering why he was so hell bent in expressing his hatred towards a country that has people like me living in it. Who me?

1) I shed real tears when some assholes entered a school in Peshawar and killed so many sons of mothers like me. I did not sleep for two nights. I hugged my husband tight that night and my kids tighter because for me they weren't Pakistani mothers who deserved atrocities. They were mothers who had been cheated by God. Nothing less.

2) When Malala got the Nobel Peace Prize, I was proud of her. As proud as I was for Mr Satyarthi's award. I taught V and N what Malala stands for and why we should be very very proud of that girl. For me, she is not JUST a Pakistani.

3) When the Pakistani Cricket team loses to my team, I celebrate my win but never indulge in below the belt remarks on whether they deserved that loss. Of course I want India to win but then I want them to win against Zimbabwe, South Africa, England and even Antarctica in equal measure! That doesn't ashame me.

4) When I see a soldier wrapped in a Green Flag on TV, I say a little prayer for his family. Exactly the way I say a prayer for a soldier wrapped in the Tricolor. Not when he is a terrorist. Because I understand that difference. A soldier from Pakistan I saw on my visit to the Wagah Border, got my salute just as the soldier from India got.

5) I am a fan of Pakistan TV series. I don't get to watch them now but I grew up watching Zoya on Dhoop Kinarey. I am the biggest fan of Umar Sharif and Bakra Kishto Pe is my all time favorite comedy show. I never compare these things with anything in India. I am objective enough to understand that they have nothing to do with my people and their people. It is pure talent and I enjoy them just as much as I enjoy Shahrukh! 

6) I am a true fan of the beautiful girls of Pakistan. I admire them truly. They are full of grace and are actually divine beauties. Does that mean, I dont have beautiful women in my country? Nah! I am just saying, I know the women are good looking there and I totally acknowledge it.

I did go through some hate mongering Facebook pages where Indians are bashing Pakistanis. But I am not one of them. None of my friends are one of them. No one in my family is one of them. No one in my neighborhood is one of them. Trust me, they do not represent the major part of our population. Similarly this man, may be represents a minuscule percentage of Pakistanis who take pride in hating India. But you know what? It really disturbs me. And doing so behind the veils of loving your country- Boss- I love my Mom but I do not hate anyone else's. I love my children but I will never tell a friend whose children are doing good that I hate them for it. You love yourself, your people. Love me too. Love my people and their goodness too. No?

I hope this Blog Post reaches you (I know it will but cant say if you choose to read it) and I want to tell you one thing, one last time:

Peace can happen. Not through politicians, armies, borders, weapons. It can happen inside your heart. We have our own problems and you have your own. But there are problems that are common. Rapes, acid attacks, terrorism, poverty, environment, politics. We in India, feel equally resentful to these problems and empathise with you as you go about handling yours. Why not take the baton of happiness in our own hearts and hands. Next time you announce on your Facebook wall that you always knew Indian Men never had real 'balls', think of me or my family or my friends (we are all highly educated people living a good life in our country like you and your friends are) who will never EVER post something so demeaning or hate propagating about you.

Talking to my 2014

I am seeing Red all around me. Nothing to do with my cold and cough situation though. It is Christmas time and my Facebook timeline, my friend's pictures, the roads till my office, the parking guy's head gear and the celebs I stalk on Twitter have all turned Red to keep up with the season. Now, I too had Christmas Parties and invites till a few years ago but age catches up with you sooner than you estimate. It is so freezing cold outside that I have politely turned down invitations, over the years, by saying- We have some other plans- and gradually people have realised, our plans are actually warm quilts and Big Boss! (Okay, the latter is more of my plan and my husband complying)

Since I stopped being an Enthu Cutlet for 'rocking' and 'happening' parties, I have to vent out my excitement somehow about everything that I am feeling amidst festivities and cheer around me. I have no messages or requests for Santa Claus. I rather have short and sweet messages for persons and things that had an influence on me in the year gone by and I have no hopes of any of them sparing me in the coming too :)

1) Open Letter Writers- Consider this my open letter to all those open letter writers who write more and more open letters to the ones who wrote open letters before them. First, letters are Dodos now so don't prefix an OPEN to them to revive them. They have no chance of resurrecting. Call them just letters and they will still read the same. Second, you wrote that open letter knowing that the one you are writing to, will never read it but instead it will become viral, make you look mature/concerned and enable you to have intellectual conversations in the comment boxes underneath. Yeah, we all know this but we still open them and help your cause.

 

2) Killers of Children- I know none of them will ever read this. So really what is the point in even addressing them? But I can tell you all who are reading this- I hate them. Too.

 

3) Selfie Takers- Uff that selfie smile of yours- I just love it. And that exclusive side profile? Killer! Oh how I can forget that pout. Yum! One day, I hope, this fascination will retire and people will start living their lives with real smiles and believable twinkle in their eyes. One day.

 

4) Radio Cab Drivers- I took a lot of Radio Cab rides in 2014. Yes, in Uber too. And I was my usual chatty self. Some drivers reciprocated my chattiness, others increased the volume of FM channels. The way my life remains unchanged in terms of salaries which cannot afford a Driver and the parking space around our house where our two cars win real battles to find their own ground every day, I am going to continue taking these cabs. Just that I am considering investing in a Pepper Spray which I am pretty sure I will not be able to find inside my overfilled handbag when I need it. I also intend to continue praying that I don't get raped as that's the ONLY thing we can do it seems in our country.

 

5) Travellers- Love you guys. I think you are the only people who are truly living. I am not addressing the kinds for who travelling means a twice an year ritual of going to Goa. Travellers are those who crave exploration- of new places, of food and of adventures. Hats off to that breed and yes, you guys are people I love to be jealous of. By the way, I love Goa. I go there every year. That's not travelling. That's hygiene!

 

6) Big Boss- Another year will begin and with it my favourite TV show will complete yet another season. I hate this thought but I live with it. I live with the hope that September will come again and it will bring with it the show, I live for...

 

7) V and N- These two are growing up really fast. I know this because they have started arguing with me, they have instructed me to not kiss them in their park, they have football shoes and party shoes and casual party shoes and cricket shoes, they have their favourite actresses and both have that one girl in their class who they protect from the mean bullies around them. So well, V and N are everything I am and I am everything they want me to be- at different stages of their boyhood.

 

Sunidhi Chauhan and the Delhi Crowd

We were lucky that we got the opportunity to be with one of our favourite artist-Sunidhi Chauhan- last evening. It was only for her that we broke the norm of not venturing out on a weekday (I am hopeless in sending kids to schools every day as schools start early morning). We knew it will be worth all the effort. So what if we were seated in the Balcony of the humongous Siri Fort Auditorium whose Balcony is at quite a distance from the stage.

 

The show apparently was being done for a charity organisation (I don't want to name it as the charity is doing a good job and had nothing to do with what the organiser was turning this evening into!) So as people are still running here and there to take a seat from where they are closest to Sunidhi-which is impossible as we are hung in a balcony that Sunidhi wont even know exists, there is a video playing on stage. The video starts with the main organiser telling us how he had the brainwave of working for this great cause and identified this particular organisation to give money to by doing this concert. He is followed by his wife, mother, mother in law, elder brother and sister in law (that elder brother's wife) who appear one by one and praise the organiser for coming up with this idea. The elder brother even says how 'Chunnu ("we call him Chunnu pyaar se") is mature enough to do this social work. I am trying to look and feel absolutely serious as this cause is close to my heart too but the mention of 'Chunnu' ends it for me. I try to hide my giggle as there are people around and I could be mistaken for making fun of the feelings behind this event. My best friend and husband, though, is smiling back at me. The lamp is lit and the tight red dress host (who says Ladies and Gentleman like ledsnadgentlmun) hands over the Mic to Chunnu (he has a proper name but that's not important). Now Chunnu speaks for five minutes telling us why this cause is the cause for this evening. He then suddenly pauses for two seconds, turns away from audience, looks back like a hero and adds- "Sorry guys. Santi ho gaya". Anyway, to Chunnu his own, the evening begins.

 

Sunidhi as usual rocks! Singing one song after another with all her versatility and oomph. After a couple of numbers she announces that since this is a charity event she is going to do something terribly different this evening. The audience wants to know what's that!! Me too!!

 

"In front of the Delhi audience, that's known for dance and masti, I am going to do the unusual. I will only sing soft numbers. So are you guys ready for a serene evening? Are you guys ready to not dance?"

 

The rows right in front of her, clap loudly and roar with appreciation. These are the 'Reserved' and 'Gold Class' category who are real connoisseurs of soulful music (or so they tried to pretend). Up above in the balcony, where yours truly is sitting, there is deafening silence. The cattle class is shocked. Sunidhi wont make us dance? Its like Anup Jalota asking them if they are ready for a dance! And Delhi audience will even dance to Anup Jalota!! What was Sunidhi thinking?

 

Anyways, a couple of rows behind us get empty. She goes on to sing some wonderful 'soft' songs and trust me we are drenched in the serenity she promised. Just when she finishes two more such songs someone behind us shouts (knowing well that he can never be heard as Sunidhi surely doesn't know there is a Balcony too!) - "Madamji, Kamli" (in a humble, requesting type shriek). The entire enclosure laughs aloud. But no one, beyond the balcony, can hear us. We are the cattle class who stands up for each other but no one influential will ever hear our voices. Sunidhi goes on with her awesome renditions and one more bunch of friends behind us leave. Two men behind me are chatty and one asks the other-

 

"Kamli kaunsi picture ka hai bata mujhe?"

"Dhoom 3" his friend, who is playing Subway Surfer states, matter of factly.

 

As Sunidhi finishes "Yaram" she has the audacity to ask the Dilli crowd- "Maza aa raha haina Dilllliiiiii"

 

The guy behind me shouts: "Dhoom 3!!!!!!!!"

 

Sunidhi ignores him once again, unknowingly of course and moves on to "Chura liya hai tumne"

 

This time I guess the Delhite inside the elite crowd too feels the need to open up. At the end of this all-time- melodious-number, someone, who God has chosen to be audible to Sunidhi, shouts- "Beedi Jalai le"

 

Believe it or not, this is when Sunidhi becomes Robert Vadra and asks: "Are You Serious?"

 

 

Yes Madam they were serious!!! Ask me, the cattle class, who lost many of her counterparts in the Balcony because they ONLY wanted to dance! Crazy dilliwalas we are but may I add- At least we love you even more :)

 

The ONLY 5 things I know in Punjabi language!

Having lived in Delhi all my life, there is no way I could ever stay disconnected with this language. From Auto Rickshaw guys to shopkeepers in Lajpat Nagar to schoolmates to colony friends- I have always had adequate brushes with it. Still it is a shame that I never could pick it. I can understand few words but definitely cannot speak well. After my marriage, when I saw my Mom In Law speak decent full sentences in Punjabi she told me that since she has lived and worked all her life in Delhi, how could she not pick? Well, truly it is shameful that I did not!

 

Lately however I have enhanced my vocabulary of Punjabi. I still do not freely incorporate it in my fluent talks (except that one time when I told my husband how cute the 'nikke-nikke' dogs were looking while crossing the road and he was absolutely SHOCKED). Two of my favourite people in my family are Punjabis. My two Sister in Laws who don't speak the language(with each other or their parents) but know it still. Interactions with them and following them on social media made me sit down and draw up this list which is my ONLY knowledge of this language. Read on. Maybe you will find traces of your experience in them...

 

 

1) The Babydoll song- This is the maximum amount of Punjabi I can speak in one go. I have by hearted the song. When I am driving alone and this song is on FM, I sing along in full volume and feel so proud of my feat. 

 

2) Honey Singh- Not just for me but for the entire nation this man is single handedly responsible for enabling humming of Punjabi songs so effortless. It is because of his songs like 'Lak 28 kudi ka' that I know many unknown words of this language.

 

3) Words- Some words are such integral part of my perceptions of people who know Punjabi. List:

 

Mausi = Maasi

Namaste = Pairi Pauna

Sagai =Sagan

Tilak = Tikka.

Paagal= Jhalli

Gaadi=Gaddi

 

Just love them!

 

4) Kirron Kher- No one works better than Kirron Kher as the typical Punjabi mum. I have illusions that all Punjabi mothers are like her. Her perfect use of language, stressing on the right words, expressions, laughter- Uff now that's a Punjabi Mum for me and her style of speaking!

 

5) Weddings- Seen Vicky Donor? Remember that scene when Ayushman's Mom asks someone to fetch Daaru from the Gaddi? THAT. The whole openness, largeness, fun, slim and fair girls, tall dulhas hugging their graceful Mums, laughter- That's my orientation to this language which may be loud but is so warm :)

 

Top 5 cliches at a family get together...

Fresh out of Rakhi celebrations we are, aren't we? I can see on Facebook that almost everyone spent it with their extended family. There is always that one kind soul in all our families who volunteers to host these get togethers, so all tying of Rakhi and exchanging of gifts can happen under one roof- all so conveniently.

This is my tenth (Yeah!10th!) year of celebrating festivals with Saurabh's extended family. It is now that I am qualified to write the typical 5 clichés that happen at every, almost every family gathering. I am sure everyone reading this will say 'Oh yes' to at least three :)

1) Comment on weight: The minute guests start arriving in, they almost look as if the following words were sitting on their lips for the longest time and must be heard:

"Why have you lost so much weight?" OR "Why has ABC (host's husband or wife) lost so much weight?"

We must all understand that they are not asking this because they are worried. They just see the 'fit' you and wonder why!

2) Tea: So everyone has arrived and sitting in a huge family circle. Initial warm up has lapsed and the host will ask, "Chai Banaye?". This question in itself is wrong. Why ask? Just make it! But you have to hear the guests' reactions (they never change):

First everyone will say: "Arre rehne do" ; "Nahi nahi" ; "Not for me. I am fine"

 

Just when everyone realises that to ease the host's burden everyone has refused tea and 'Oh my god I needed it' someone will say:

"Agar ban rahi hai then ill take."  5 more people will join in, as sympathetically as they can,

"Only if you are making it, I will take"

All those who said 'No' vehemently in the first lot will now be saying in their heads- 'Thank God'

The host then comes to everyone's rescue,

"Ok then. Will make for everyone."

3) Food is always awesome: Typical lines: "Ye kisne banaya?" followed by "Jisne bhi banaya, kamaal hai." Now whoever is saying this, has a wife somewhere in the same room sulking and taking mental notes.

 

But don't we all do this out of sheer compulsion. The host will invariably shove one more poori in our plate and ask: "Acha nahi bana kya?". Now what is the correct answer to this question? Obviously the guest will say: "Awesome hai!"

4) One person/family will always be stuck in a jam: Why is there always that one person who is late? Everyone who has arrived on time will mass-blame that one person (or family) by digging into their past perfiormance.

"Hamesha late aate hain!"

"Time se kyun nahi chalte?"

"Jam to nahi hai raaste main?"

And then after all the speculation that teenager of the family who has acquired the smart phone very recently and is seen playing candy crush is asked:

"Arre XYZ, phone laga ABC ko and check."

5) Testing children in academics-  Children enjoy these gatherings the most. Especially the children of the host as they are not being watched. Also they are somehow the centre of attention. How? They have to recite poems, show some dance moves, get their General Knowledge checked, let everyone who they love more- Papa or Mummy and also let everyone know if their Mum gives them enough food or not (duh!)! If there are more than one kid then guests like to play 'Comparison Games' with them. 'Who can say the alphabets the fastest' types. I don't know if kids enjoy this but their parents definitely get a complex! 

 

 

 

 

I am a Mum of two boys. But I am not carefree.

Today as I reached work, my timeline was flooded with anguish of mothers over the rape of a 6 year old in her school. I read a few but couldn't go beyond three. They were all full of so much helplessness that it irked the mother in me. But what was interesting in all of them was that they were all from mothers of girls.

 

I have sons. Two. Though both are aged around the little girl who was assaulted in Bangalore, they are boys. Does that mean I am less sensitive to these news items on rapes being carried out to little girls? I am not even saying that ideally I should feel the pain of those parents as a woman because I am as prone to rape as this little one, in this country. My point is that I am equally worried about my sons today. Hear me out all you parents of girls, who feel so insecure while bringing up daughters in our callous country. So what if I have boys? I am equally scared for them as you are for your daughters.

 

I am scared because being boys, I cannot technically tell them what is rape, at least not now. I am scared because someone who is sick in the head can assume that touching my sons is lesser a crime than touching someone's daughter. I am scared because they are naïve, just like a girl of their age, and can get scared of someone overpowering them. I am scared because everyone assumes they are safe, or safer.

 

I have taught them good touch and bad touch. I have told them they cant be alone with a stranger anywhere in the school or in the  bus. I have told them that if anyone says that they will cause any harm to their parents if they tell  the truth, Papa will teach that person a tougher lesson than he can imagine. I watch over them every minute when they are in the park. I call them every 3 hours when I am at work even though they are safe with their Grand mom because there could be something that they would like to share with just me. I have a secret password with them which they can use in case someone tries to give them a message through me at an unfamiliar place. Mind you guys, I am not a helicopter parent. I am just a parent in the times where my child needs me for a plethora of exposures he gets and needs answers for. I am doing everything in my might and senses which can keep V and N away from crime. But I know I can never do enough. I have to send them to school, to their dance classes, to friends' places, to the park, to swimming. Can I be around them all the time? I cannot. And what irritates me is that ideally I shouldn't. I am responsible for their safety but I cannot suffocate them over it. 

 

So what is it that I can do? I can only pray it seems. I can pray not just for them but also for every little baby who doesn't deserve these crimes. I don't intend to join a candle march at India Gate to register my protest. This, because I am not stupid enough to not realise that this mentality is so deeply ingrained in our society that my candle will never last enough to burn down this disease of some brains. I don't want to pray for strength for those parents whose daughter was raped. That's so futile. I pray in fact for a miracle where this girl's example can let God put an end to our miseries. Yeah but I am game to join a pressure tactic which insists that schools do everything they can to ensure that our children are bloody safe with them as I am not assuming that they truly are. 

 

 

 Every morning when I send them to school, I kiss them and say- "Have a nice day." When they smile back, I look at them in the eyes and assure them that they will.

 

V and N- you are the reasons why Saurabh and I exist and we promise you that we are doing our best to keep you happy and healthy including saying our daily prayers :)